This week was Billies 17th Birthday, work meant I didn't get to actually see her till Thursday, long after her actual birthday. It's incredible that she's 17, really, where did the time go?
At least she's turned out a strong, unique and intrinsically good person, I could die happy with that thought.
Last week the announcement we were all dreading, namely we were to be interviewed for our own jobs, the losing two moved to another ward, unless someone volunteered.
Last weekend I tried to write a few notes as to why I was good for the ward, and should keep my current job. Needless to say I struggled.
But then completely by surprise two of my longest standing colleagues volunteered and as quickly as the notion of interviews had arisen, it was gone. Relieved but very very sad to see my two long term work friends, both of 12 years, gone (or at least going).
The ward closes completely this Autumn, so us few survivors will have to face being incorporated into something new, and as yet still nebulous. But one worry at a time, eh?
Speaking of "worry" my CBT fizzled out after four sessions. My practitioner went on holiday and left it to me to arrange the next appointment, somehow I never did and the longer I left it the more of a problem it became.
I'm useless at everything.
I genuinely did learn a few good tactics for coping with my anxiety though, and I've read around the subject since. I recently missed my medication for a couple of days, due to long shifts at work and a bad memory, and whether it was placebo or suggestion, I could feel the old gloom and anxieties beginning to resurface. I dread the day I have to stop the medication...
“We are masters of the unsaid words, but slaves of those we let slip out” - Winston Churchill
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