“There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.” - Oscar Wilde

"I'm not the kind of man
Who tends to socialize,
I seem to lean on
Old familiar ways,
And I ain't no fool for love songs
That whisper in my ears,
Still crazy after all these years
Oh, still crazy after all these years"

Time to report in, I suppose. How's my mental illness going? nice of you to ask!

I've made an effort to shave and iron a shirt everyday (more symbolic really, but I also don't want to be offered spare change out in the street!). I've also tried to get out and walk everyday. also I've cut back on the wine, at least a little, I don't want to head down that particular road.

I had a terrible foreboding a few days ago, that I would never see Billie again. I felt she would make it back from holiday intact, but that maybe I wouldn't be around to greet her. thankfully that particular fantasy has ebbed away (tut tut).

I went back to see my GP as requested (by him) and he did a little scoring test thingy, from which he divined I'm moderately to severely depressed, isn't science a wonderful thing? (I jest of course, I'm a big believer in science). He also started me on some medication. I tried antidepressants once, around six years ago, and they made me feel like a zombie. I felt detached from my surroundings, numb and clumsy. There were other symptoms too, but I won't describe the scatological details. As I type, I feel exactly the same, it seems I don't respond well to this type of medication. I haven't decided whether to continue with them, but I should give it a try. To be honest though all these new symptoms are just as worrying as the anxieties that got me here.

Sadly he said the waiting list for counselling now runs to MONTHS! I think that, above all, is what I need most. Just a listening ear, what most people call friends I believe.

I know this is all pretty pathetic, and just the mid-life crisis of an anonymous middle aged borderline loon, but you never know, I might re-read this sentence in a few years and laugh. No doubt I shall be piloting my futuristic jet-copter to my secret Pacific hide-away at the time.

Speaking of secret Pacific hide-aways (nice link eh?), 'Lost' finished it's six year journey this week (as did two of my other favourites, '24' and 'Ashes To Ashes'). If I were feeling a little more coherent (the drugs have me quite woozy, clumsy and a little hard of thinking) I'd give you a detailed review. Let's just say I had mixed emotions. I especially loved the Juliette/Sawyer reunion, but I felt a bit cheated that events on the 'real' island had almost taken a back seat to the 'sideways'/purgatory world. But the message of the show (and one I have espoused on many many occasions!) is that the journey is just as important as the destination. Frankly no one 'destination' would satisfy all viewers, there was bound to be some disappointment. Many questions were left unanswered, and rightly so in my opinion, the half imagined solutions in the mind are probably more satisfying than anything spelled out for us, to fit the facts. It was a very good ending, but not the great ending I'd hoped for (I think that's more down to sadness at it ending, a future viewing will, I imagine , bring a greater appreciation).
I'm rambling, after I said I wouldn't (er, why was Sayid re-united with Shannon rather than his true love, Nadia ? how come Libby was in the church, but not Anna-Lucia, or Mr Ecko? I could go on, but not now eh?). I'll miss it...
and goodbye Jack Bauer, for now at least...

“We are like butterflies who flutter for a day and think its forever.” - Carl Sagan