“If you think you have it tough, read history books.” - Bill Maher

Dreadful nightmares again (are there really any other kind?), so in lieu of anyone to talk to here I am again. Speaking of pseudo human contact, my Internet connection has had a few 'problems' recently, and it's amazing how 'lost' one feels when it's not there. It's not as if I'm doing anything but browsing, but when it's gone, it's like withdrawal 

What on earth did I do with my time before 1995? 

Speaking of withdrawal, I'm completely off my anti-depressants now, the side effects have almost gone. I'll let you know how the mood fares...

Watched this last week, absolutely hilarious, while making serious points too...

“If that plane leaves the ground and you're not with him, you'll regret it. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow, but soon and for the rest of your life.”

I bought a huge suitcase today. really, this thing is so big, I could probably spend the night in it, if it ever became necessary. It was very reasonably priced of course (cheapskate or just a broke bargain hunter?). Only three weeks until Billie and I head of to Florida. The negative part of me realises this is almost certainly the last holiday for both of us, if you see what I mean (after all she has another 3, count 'em, foreign trips, this year alone).

Speaking of holidays, and I was, back to work on Thursday night, for two weeks of night-shift. As I've stated many many times, I detest night-shift. It's not just my night blindness, it's the isolation and the bizarre routine. Hey it's only two weeks, that's only seven shifts! (said through gritted teeth).

My beloved projector  returned from it's fifth repair yesterday, as - another projector! Yes they decided enough was enough and gave me a replacement - great! So I spent the evening watching lots and lots of episodes of 'Chuck'.

My favourite Joni Mitchell song, but I've already had her version, I think.

“I was born when you kissed me. I died when you left me. I lived a few weeks while you loved me.” - Humphrey Bogart

"I live on a one-way street that's also a dead end. I'm not sure how I got there."

“Most people with low self-esteem have earned it” - George Carlin

It must feel good to have a passion. A passion for something, anything, good or bad, right or wrong, that drive must give a purpose, a purpose I envy. My overarching problem is, of course, apathy. Apathy for myself, the world around me, and the situation, or lack of it I find myself in. The only thing I actually care about is my Daughter, and this whole 'teenage' thing has me sidelined for a few years. 

Really, how dare I be bored whilst on holiday? I can instantly think of a dozen things. useful and trite, I could be doing, but plainly am not (how's my grammar?).

Anyway, I'm half way through a fortnight off, and the self pitying thumb twiddling is in full effect. Sadly due to our impending holiday, I can't even rely on retail therapy, or 'buying stuff' as I prefer to call it, for a bit of a lift.

Maybe I picked the wrong week to stop my medication?

Should have ended on a joke...

The new unthanks album is reassuringly bleak, upon first listen at least (no youtube videos yet)...

"I just have one of those faces. People come up to me and say, "What's wrong?" Nothing. "Well, it takes more energy to frown than it does to smile." Yeah, you know it takes more energy to point that out than it does to leave me alone?" - Bill Hicks

“I find my life is a lot easier the lower I keep everyone's expectations.”

Billie was very, very upset yesterday. She found out, in an almost sit-com style set up, that her Mother has been seeing - A Man!

She reacted, by packing a bag and demanding to stay with me. I disagreed, and persuaded her to stay at 'home', and sort it out. 

Of course that is the briefest of synopsis, and I spent the whole evening trying to resolve the matter. 

The two strangest things outcomes - I was invited into my ex-wife's home for the first time ever (they've lived there 7 years now), to 'talk' , and secondly, and I admit rather selfishly, I realised that I was a little upset too. Don't misunderstand,  I have no lingering feelings for her, but like the big child I am, my concerns were how this new 'guy' would affect my relationship with Billie (i.e. does he have money?) - go figure. 

Today, the next day, It's not such a worry, and Billie, via text, is feeling a little better.
"The Child is Father of the man" eh?

By the way, I'm on Holiday, and I'm so very bored...

“Mom and Dad can make the rules,
And certain things forbid,
But I can make them wish that they, 

had never had a kid.” - Bill Watterson