“When I was your age, television was called books.”

Gordon Bennett!
It's been weeks since I 'wrote' anything. Now I bet you're assuming I've been on some crazy wild adventure, and now I'm back to tell you all about it? Absolutely right!

Oh, actually I was thinking of someone else. Bugger all, that's what's happened, and I couldn't be bothered to say it until this chilly Wednesday morning, chilly because my gas is turned off, albeit temporarily.

I had a nasty ear infection, my hearing is only just starting to return in my right ear. For several days I was very worried, however foolishly, that the hearing wouldn't return, honestly. I'd assumed it was wax, and before seeking medical advice had hoked and poked, and plied my ears with all sorts of drops. I was worried I'd actually damaged them, but thankfully, as usual, I was wrong. Just a couple of days ago, I was so dizzy and wobbly that I couldn't even drive.

My 'troubles' at work are still to be resolved, and it seems it'll be weeks, maybe even after Christmas, before any kind of decision is made. I do know that my job is safe at least.

I decided not to even bother with the Christmas Night out this year. Last year I was so miserable that I was back home by 10pm, and I walked! So why even bother? let the transformation to total crazy shut in complete itself (almost, I was out for 50 minutes in July, I seem to recall). I can't tolerate people any more, and people can't tolerate me. Maybe sometimes we get what what we deserve, I don't believe that for one second, but it felt like a good way of finishing...

"There are three golden rules for bringing up children. Alas, no one knows what they are." - Adela Bradley

“When you're finished changing, you're finished.” - Benjamin Franklin

I'm so very very worried about what's happening at work.
Oh I never went into details did I? Remember 'the incident', when I was on nights? Well it is far from resolved. There is an 'investigation'. For the past few weeks, I've been waiting for a meeting, which is this very Tuesday, at last! My useless, and apparently representativeless (that word didn't previously exist I'm thinking)  union, assures me is only 'fact finding'. Well as long as those facts aren't my sacking, I should be okay. I've never been so worried about future events, not that I can recall. Eek! (sorry that all may sound flippant, but I'm sincerely terrified).

In probably more important news, Billie has had something of a falling out with her Mother. By something , I mean bloody bloody major!
It seems Billie is not at all okay with the current domestic arrangements at 'home'. Her Mother, for whatever reason, consequently told her to come and live with me! Thanks!
The most terrifying aspect of this sea change would not be the required chucking of my slovenly routine, but having to discuss money with my ex-wife, gulp. And am I a good enough parent?
In actuality , it'll meant that Billie will probably be staying with me a couple of nights a week from now on, I can get used to that.
Although, thinking about it,  I may have to actually start shopping, and develop a few good habits - the horror! the horror!

“We are all born ignorant, but one must work hard to remain stupid.”

"I must have some booze. I demand to have some booze!"

It appears I'm still alive, empirically at least. If I can be bothered, more words later today (assuming wine is available)...

I've just  rediscovered the following post, unpublished and forgotten, dating from about two weeks ago. This was a bad bad day...



I hate myself. No that's a bit strong, I dislike myself, memo to everyone else - your were right!
I hate this blog, at least at the minute. I used to love this blog, when I was in love, it was for romantic outpourings. Now it's where I tell an indifferent world I'm mentally ill...

I've been on holiday for two weeks, it's been awful. To be honest it was marginally better than being at work but only just. Fourteen identical days, where only the vague promise of alcohol, got me through.
Tonight I'm on the edge of tears, thankfully, the right edge , but anything, a slight draft even, could push me over to the other side. I don't like me. I hope to change that opinion one day.

I've had an awful temporal headache for something like three months now. Headaches make you miserable. Headaches make you irritable. Give me some slack.
The optician says my prescription is right, yet my glasses make it worse. She's referred me to my GP.
If it's all 'in my head' , which of course it literally is (hey it's a headache), I'm crazier than I thought.
It's no coincidence I have no friends, and a family who merely tolerate me... I haven't felt this low since I was off sick last year, contemplating what we all ultimately contemplate.

I heard from work today that my recent 'incident' is to be investigated, consequently I'm temporarily off nights, something that in other circumstances, I'd be celebrating.
Maybe this will turn out alright, maybe Billy will find true love, maybe bacon will resurrect and find wings...

I'm pathetic, but in mental and physical pain. maybe that will make you feel better about your own life. See,  every cloud ...