“There's only one me, and I'm stuck with him.”- Kurt Vonnegut jr.

I never did elaborate on my failing suspected failing sanity, did I?

I've had an abysmal few days which were preceded by an awful few weeks.
Only fear for my job has kept me going back onto the sick (can you believe it's almost two years since I first visited my GP?).
I feel so anxious, so directionless, a little hopeless, and the twin joys of a stiff back and the ongoing toothache saga...

I seemed to have lost any ability to make decisions or act upon those I do make. Small problems  pile up on each other, eventually making (at least in my mind) a Scooby-Doo sized predicament sandwich.
I can hardly cope.
It's all about isolation I suppose, no one to tell me to stop being a fool, to pull myself together, or offer advice, good or bad. I'm sitting here an anxious pit where my somewhat large stomach used to be.

Speaking of large stomachs, I actually have lost a little bit of weight.
Sadly almost everything I eat and drink results in some degree of pain. Hot tea and Coffee for instance are totally verboten, they hurt too much.
I'll give it another week or two and slope back to the dentist for the fourth time.
She said it could take a couple of months.

I've become obsessed with the weather forecast or at least the app on my phone. A windy night means my flapping roof keeps me awake, partially from the noise, partially from the fretting feedback loop! I absolutely must ring a roofer after the weekend, it has to be sorted sooner or later, before it turns into a leak or worse! knowing my luck the house will probably be condemned! (or would that actually be good luck?)

Nothing informs your mood quite like toothache, so combined with my recent moods I've been quite the joy to be around. Probably for the best that around is something I haven't been, if you see what I mean.

I started off feeling wretched, but reading back over those paragraphs everything seems so completely trivial. However since it's me we're talking about I still feel pretty wretched. Remember this is only a snapshot, we can never fully experience the feelings of another. within a few yards of where I sit I'm sure people feel equally alone and wretched, and for more valid reasons. We start and finish alone, and if we are lucky we get a little company along the way.

Nowhere to go, no-one not to go with and not even comfort eating to look forward too - poor me...

“Another flaw in the human character is that everybody wants to build and nobody wants to do maintenance.” - Kurt Vonnegut