“How young can you die of old age?” - Steven Wright

Sorry for the wordless posts. I've been a little stuck for something to say.
So here's more of the same!
I feel awful.
Really really awful.
I could try and describe the way I've been feeling, but It's not worth it, I'll never forget, and you don't care.

I can't seem to cope with any problems or decisions, (at least outside of work, the consequences of my decisions there could be a little more far reaching) small or large. Every thing seems to be crumbling and decaying, even my one important relationship, with Billie. Part of me knows that I should lighten up, and at least try to enjoy the pleasures that are offered to me. Sadly this part of me is more often drowned out by the paranoid loopy part.

Plus some kind of vortex that sucks the money from my bank into distant oblivion, is following me. I constantly and eternally broke!

It wouldn't be so bad if I had someone to talk to occasionally (frankly I've forgotten what being a functioning adult is to some extent, especially regarding small talk). Sadly if the rest of my family were a sitcom, I wouldn't even rise to comedy neighbour status, maybe a featured extra?

I really need to have a few hours fun. I can recall two perfect evenings in the last 10 years. The memories of those will be with me forever, and can still make me smile upon their recollection. Will I ever have another?
(Maybe if I left the house once in a while, eh?)

boo hoo.

Yesterday when I was young... from yakkowarner on 8tracks Radio.

“We're born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we're not alone.” - Orson Welles