“From now on, ending a sentence with a preposition is something up with which I will not put” - Winston Churchill

Hello whoever you are, or aren't , if you even exist. It's been bloody ages. There were several posts that will remain drafts only, never to be "published", mostly because they were self indulgent self pitying crap.

Here we go.

First the good, Billie and I are getting along famously, this is not a new development, just something I'm really pleased about. she's the focus I need in life and my proudest achievement (although to be honest there are few rivals).
She made me a lovely cake for fathers day (see below)

Work is descending into something akin to a hell. Sometimes my job is the best in the world, these times are scarce however. More often than not work is a morass of red tape, shoutyness and general misery. Things should slowly improve, but the NHS seems to buck this natural evolution and gradually get worse. There's more to do and less to do it with. I limped home from work today, physically and emotionally wrecked, only pharmaceuticals propping me up.


I'm so bored, but thankfully not despondent.


The merger is inevitable, we will effectively cease to exist. The few survivors engulfed and absorbed.
13 years and then oblivion, what a sad end for what was probably the best ward in the hospital.

Frivolousness - I watched and loved all two seasons of "Person Of Interest", I can't decide whether to watch the new season of "True Blood" (bloody faeries) and the "Mad Men" finale was flawed but majestic; poor poor Don Draper....

"This is no dream! This is really happening!" from yakkowarner on 8tracks Radio.

“Laughter is not at all a bad beginning for a friendship, and it is far the best ending for one.” - Oscar Wilde

 

 

 

 

I Can Dream, Can't I? from yakkowarner on 8tracks Radio.

“Children begin by loving their parents; as they grow older they judge them; sometimes, they forgive them” - Oscar Wilde

Well hello abso' bloomin' lutely no one.

Much time has passed, and our hero finds himself completely where you left him, bored bu t not despondent. Well actually the past week or so, a little niggling doubt has crept in, maybe the efficacy of the medication is wearing out, I really really hope not, I've enjoyed the last couple of months of feeling okay.

I had a couple of day in mufti. A major software upgrade at work, and somehow, defying all logic, I was deemed a "superuser" what a misnomer, but someone thought I was up to it. Anyway it was strangely gratifying to be an observer on my own ward, what a lot of crap we have to put up with , both literally and figuratively.

I'm feeling really really happy about my relationship with Billie. I seem to genuinely matter to her, and she seems to value my input now and again. I wish we could have more time together, but be thankful for what you've got I suppose.


I've hardly watched any movies recently, I've been enjoying the 70's pleasures of "Macmillan and Wife" and only just discovered "Person of Interest". On a payday whim I bought the first season on blu-ray, and after 5 episodes, "I'm lovin' it"...

Old Man from yakkowarner on 8tracks Radio.

“Stranger, if you passing meet me and desire to speak to me, why should you not speak to me? And why should I not speak to you?” - Walt Whitman

“They ended as all great passions do end-----by a misunderstanding...” - Honore de Balzac

Nothing has continued to happen, I just thought 9 days was a long time without comment.

How can a life be so dull eh? The medication stops me lapsing into complete despondent self pity, but I still have a memory of how awful it was/is.
I simultaneously feel lonely and afraid of friendship. I'm just a bit to lazy and misanthropic to entertain friendship or even romance. Or maybe this is just a self deluding fantasy, after all who would want me?

Amazingly I forgot to mention that I had all my hair (accidentally) cut off. It was really really long, and I went for a trim, but ended up losing nearly all of it. I've had lots and lots of people commenting kindly to me, but I miss the old shaggier me to be honest.

I was very disappointed with the new Star Trek movie. Apart from the most obvious twist ever, it just didn't feel as coherent as the first which I loved. It has many a good scene and some funny nods to the series of old, but something was missing, and some plot hole the size of the grand canyon. but who cares what I think?

For some reason last week I finally got around to my "Macmillan and Wife" DVD box sets. The glorious combination of nostalgia, San Francisco and Susan St. James is intoxicating...

Mackems and Geordies from yakkowarner on 8tracks Radio.

“Life cannot go on without much forgetting.”

“I never fall apart because I never fall together.” - Andy Warhol

A strange couple of weeks since last we met.

This week was Billies 17th Birthday, work meant I didn't get to actually see her till Thursday, long after her actual birthday. It's incredible that she's 17, really, where did the time go?
At least she's turned out a strong, unique and intrinsically good person, I could die happy with that thought.

Last week the announcement we were all dreading, namely we were to be interviewed for our own jobs, the losing two moved to another ward, unless someone volunteered.

Last weekend I tried to write a few notes as to why I was good for the ward, and should keep my current job. Needless to say I struggled.

But then completely by surprise two of my longest standing colleagues volunteered and as quickly as the notion of interviews had arisen, it was gone. Relieved but very very sad to see my two long term work friends, both of 12 years, gone (or at least going).

The ward closes completely this Autumn, so us few survivors will have to face being incorporated into something new, and as yet still nebulous. But one worry at a time, eh?

Speaking of "worry" my CBT fizzled out after four sessions. My practitioner went on holiday and left it to me to arrange the next appointment, somehow I never did and the longer I left it the more of a problem it became.
I'm useless at everything.

I genuinely did learn a few good tactics for coping with my anxiety though, and I've read around the subject since. I recently missed my medication for a couple of days, due to long shifts at work and a bad memory, and whether it was placebo or suggestion, I could feel the old gloom and anxieties beginning to resurface. I dread the day I have to stop the medication...

Thinking of you... from yakkowarner on 8tracks Radio.

“We are masters of the unsaid words, but slaves of those we let slip out” - Winston Churchill

“It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.” - George Burns

You find me slightly drunk , and more than slightly worried.

Firstly - the good stuff. My Birthday was on Tuesday (that's not the good stuff) and after finishing work, Billie and I had a lovely meal, then went to See "Iron Man 3" (best of the bunch, and so gosh darn funny!).

Today at yet ANOTHER meeting at work, we were all told that we have to be interviewed for our own jobs, and next week to boot!
Let the fretting commence...