“I beheld the wretch - the miserable monster whom I had created”

It's early on a Saturday morning, and that feeling has returned!
I've just dropped my Daughter off at her Mothers early, as they are going on a trip. That in itself always makes me feel empty and sad. I miss having her constantly around, I miss the feeling that she's just in the next room , reading or laughing, and I fear the way her childhood is rapidly vanishing, as puberty approaches. (We were talking about one of her old favourite games yesterday, a toy post office, and she said she doesn't want to play any more - fair enough she is 11 - but suddenly I missed her pestering me to play, realising she never would again, and so regretting all those times I said no!)

I picked up my post as I went to bed last night (as I'd left and arrived via the back door). There was an official looking letter. It turned out to be a summons from my employer to a "sickness meeting". I work under a policy of 3 or more episodes of sickness in a year, and a meeting results with the Ward Manager and a Personnel ..er, person! I'm sure it won't be the witch hunt and sacking that the feeling in my stomach tells me it will be, but I'm worried, especially as it advises me that I can bring a union rep with me!

The darkening nights and cooling temperatures, have also had an effect on my mood. Things don't quite seem so bad when it's sunny and warm! I know that in the grand scheme of things my life is not so bad, but sitting here, alone and cold , killing time before work, happiness feels a long way away.

“A man's as miserable as he thinks he is.” - Seneca (@ 1st century AD)