" Get used to disappointment "

A little explanation - this was written, but not posted , very very late last night (in fact more like very very early this morning). I was very tired (but still didn't get to bed until around 5), and quite upset.
Not in the feeling sorry for myself kind of way though, more total self disgust, although I admit to the casual observer, both states might appear identical.
Things always seem worse in the early hours, and this morning they seem, well actually just as bad.

Look, here's a change, me being brutally honest, with myself.
Everything feels very pointless tonight, even more so than usual. You may have noticed an exchange of comments in an earlier posting, and it's made me think long and hard. My life is not so unusual, many many people are lonely , even in a world of 6 billion and rising. It's just that, well, I suppose I'm a misfit, not unlikable, but unliked. I'm not blaming anyone, I could I suppose (parents?), but let's face it I'm the sole architect of my own destruction, all of them I suspect. And speaking of destruction, maybe (maybe?) I unconsciously sabotage everything I touch, (or maybe not so unconsciously?) To be honest I don't get on well with people (read any previous posting for evidence) , and then I repeatedly bemoan the fact assigning blame to everyone else but me (at least outwardly).

I had a good friend, and I ruined it, totally, completely, and unilaterally. I will always be sorry for that. Your last comment brought into a very sharp focus what a total and complete shit I was / am (excuse the language).

See you all next time I hit the wine I imagine?

“I have noticed even people who claim everything is predestined, and that we can do nothing to change it, look before they cross the road.” - Stephen Hawking