“I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong” - Benjamin Franklin

Sorry all I do here is moan and moan. I used to be optimistic and quite happy, honestly.

I'm just not a good enough writer to effectively convey just how awful I feel.It's always there, either as a quesiness in my guts, or a nagging in my head.
I know I'm selfish, shallow, weak and directionless. but since I'm in a circle of one, I'm the only voice you'll hear on the subject.

I can't remember the last time, I went to bed thinking "what a great day" or the last time I actually looked forward to anything.
There are of course the occasional good moments. These mostly revolve around my daughter.
But circumstance and her age mean these are fewer and fewer.

Looking ahead, just more of the same.  Uneventful grayness - but now with added jobthreatiness.

Those paragraphs read like a final goodbye, but weren't meant as such, I just typed without thinking, and this is the stuff that oozed out.
I want things to change, I'm just not strong enough to do anything about it.

I honestly set out to say I was going to be more positive, less apologetic and at least try to be upbeat. It seems I failed at that too!

“He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else”...