“I never fall apart because I never fall together.” - Andy Warhol

A strange couple of weeks since last we met.

This week was Billies 17th Birthday, work meant I didn't get to actually see her till Thursday, long after her actual birthday. It's incredible that she's 17, really, where did the time go?
At least she's turned out a strong, unique and intrinsically good person, I could die happy with that thought.

Last week the announcement we were all dreading, namely we were to be interviewed for our own jobs, the losing two moved to another ward, unless someone volunteered.

Last weekend I tried to write a few notes as to why I was good for the ward, and should keep my current job. Needless to say I struggled.

But then completely by surprise two of my longest standing colleagues volunteered and as quickly as the notion of interviews had arisen, it was gone. Relieved but very very sad to see my two long term work friends, both of 12 years, gone (or at least going).

The ward closes completely this Autumn, so us few survivors will have to face being incorporated into something new, and as yet still nebulous. But one worry at a time, eh?

Speaking of "worry" my CBT fizzled out after four sessions. My practitioner went on holiday and left it to me to arrange the next appointment, somehow I never did and the longer I left it the more of a problem it became.
I'm useless at everything.

I genuinely did learn a few good tactics for coping with my anxiety though, and I've read around the subject since. I recently missed my medication for a couple of days, due to long shifts at work and a bad memory, and whether it was placebo or suggestion, I could feel the old gloom and anxieties beginning to resurface. I dread the day I have to stop the medication...

Thinking of you... from yakkowarner on 8tracks Radio.

“We are masters of the unsaid words, but slaves of those we let slip out” - Winston Churchill

“It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.” - George Burns

You find me slightly drunk , and more than slightly worried.

Firstly - the good stuff. My Birthday was on Tuesday (that's not the good stuff) and after finishing work, Billie and I had a lovely meal, then went to See "Iron Man 3" (best of the bunch, and so gosh darn funny!).

Today at yet ANOTHER meeting at work, we were all told that we have to be interviewed for our own jobs, and next week to boot!
Let the fretting commence...

“Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday”

So very bored. Things could be worse I suppose.
Our ward is to definitely close at the end of August, so there's that to worry about.

It's my birthday next week, so there's that too. I'm not really concerned about it, just hyper aware that we only have a finite stay, and I've already wasted so much of it.

Nothing else to say today...

“I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity.” - Edgar Allan Poe

Some horrible days at work. Then news that my ward is to finally close, and for good! I'm not sure what I'll be doing come September, sadly that's what all my colleagues are thinking too, once again all our futures are uncertain, needless to say this has raised my anxiety levels somewhat.

In other (good) news , Billie finally got to meet one of her One Direction Idols, good old Harry Styles. It was great to see her so happy and as she would say, buzzing!

I could really do with a good chat, with a good friend, I believe this is what other people do...

Fathers And Daughters... from yakkowarner on 8tracks Radio.

“I grew up in the 70s, when the careers advisor used to come to school, and he used to get the kids together and say, 'Look, I advise you to get a career, what can I say? That's it.'” - Eddie Izzard

 

“I've often said, the only thing standing between me and greatness is me” - Woody Allen

I suppose even the most well adjusted folks can't feel great every day. I've been feeling a bit "off" the past few days. Not despondent as was, but not great, far from it.

I'm continuously exhausted, I mean really really tired. I could sleep all day given half a chance. On my days off it's been 11.30 - 12.00 before I've crawled upright into the semi-lit hovel around me.

I was supposed to get a haircut today, I didn't (I was asleep). Consequently I look like the wild man of Borneo's slightly wilder brother, but with an handlebar moustache, go figure...

Nothing much of importance to report, for as always nothing much has happened. I've got a long stretch at work ahead due to some simple bad luck. but hey, at least it will keep me away from the wine eh?

Thank goodness for the new Season of "Mad Men" and "Game Of Thrones" (my doesn't Northern Ireland look beautiful?)

Mighty fine shindig from yakkowarner on 8tracks Radio.

“There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more.”

“I only go out to get me a fresh appetite for being alone.” - Lord Byron

I'm feeling better today than I've felt in years. I'm putting it all down to medication, but who cares what the cause is, let's just enjoy it. The only downside is I feel tired, nay exhauseted, all the time. I fall asleep pretty much anywhere and everywhere.

I'm still selfish and lazy, but I feel, while not quite happy, well I've been smiling a lot more than I used too.

Nothing continues to happen, but that doesn't seem to bother me as much as it used to.

My relationship with my Daughter seems to be remarkably good recently, we really get along, we are as different as the proverbial chalk and its milky friend, but that doesn't seem to matter anymore. she's been to see her beloved One Direction twice this week, and it's been wonderful to see her so upbeat and excited. I really don't know what I'd do without her.

New Game Of Thrones and Mad Men this week, along with Breaking bad, they are the triumvirate of TV excellence. Spoiler - I was very disappointed with Mr Drapers behaviour at the end of 6.02, I didn't see that coming...


Dare I say it but some romance would be most welcome. Maybe that isn't a good idea, it never turns out well, not even in TV it seems...

Yakkowarner's a miserable sod ! from yakkowarner on 8tracks Radio.

“When one is in love, one always begins by deceiving ones self, and one always ends by deceiving others. That is what world calls a romance.” - Oscar Wilde

“The greater the obstacle, the more glory in overcoming it.” - Moliere

Well where have I been eh? Off having some romantic adventure?
Sadly not.
I've just been bored, but thankfully not despondent, far from it.

This medication has me as carefree as I've been for many a year, I dread it stopping. My CBT appointments, although far from enjoyable have had me examining the deepest parts of my so called psyche. I can start to see patterns and behaviours that have been holding me back for years, if not a lifetime. I hope I can change.

I'm coming to the end of two weeks holiday, and to be honest I've missed work. It's not a bad job, and I work with some great folks, did I really say that?

I've done nothing of note, but I feel really quite relaxed. Mostly I've been ferrying Billie between various engagements, It's nice to be useful.
And I've watched a lot of films, a lot!

I bought a lovely new Google Nexus phone, the old Dell simply bit the dust. I wish I had more to do with it though, if only it rang once in a while...

I'll Remember April... from yakkowarner on 8tracks Radio.

“One should examine oneself for a very long time before thinking of condemning others” - Moliere