“Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.”

It appears I'm losing what's left of my mind.
I bought two Cd's recently only to find I already owned them, they were only 99p each, so no great loss. Next I watched a DVD I purchased recently and noticed I already had a copy (amusingly it was "The Man with two Brains" - the fact is amusing by the way, the Movie much less so) that's two whole British Pounds wasted!! (I have a couple of other examples, but this so called "story" is starting to bore me!).
The past day or two I've been so restless and directionless, "What's new?" the well informed and astute among you might ask! good point - Just the intensity I suppose. I feel a little like a rat in a cage with two rooms, one is a little hospital, the other has a little desk and computer.

“I am but mad north-north-west: when the wind is southerly I know a hawk from a handsaw”

“He who laughs, lasts.”

I am not feeling sorry for myself. That would imply some sort of me versus the universe injustice. Sometimes you do get what you deserve, and I am surely the architect of my own , if not quite destruction, then my decline and fall. It's quite a realisation that the best parts of your life are probably all behind you.
It's not that I'm a bad person, I'm just too lazy to be a good one, at least consistently. Life continues, and that's about it at the moment. The two sided coin that is work and just sitting here continues to flip, flip, flip.

(Okay that does sound like feeling sorry for myself - it wasn't meant thus!)

one my top ten songs, like ever!

I am being driven slowly insane by the endless banging, of what I can only assume is a trampoline in my neighbours yard. The unique layout of these Victorian terraces means I can't see what they are up to, so it's either a trampoline or they are constructing an Ark.
Long summer days mean long summer jumping sessions I suppose.

It feels like most of my recent posts have been influenced by alcohol! Can you guess which half of this post was?

Work is really getting me down at the moment, but it is the lucky man who always enjoys his work, although sometimes might be nice!

I'm off to grimace for a bit, with a bottle of Chilean red...

“People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world.” - Calvin and Hobbes

“Careful. We don't want to learn from this.”

It's still Friday , about four hours since my last post (Not Monday as the previous post would have you believe) . The squibs of the dampest variety spring to mind. Less than four hours later and here I am , slightly drunker, slightly fuller of belly, but back in front of the computer, and still as misanthropic. Half a bottle of red and a tasty pizza doesn't really change much. Luckily I only had to skirt the fringes of the town centre,and I managed to walk home in about 25 minutes, mostly in a straight line, and despite the pouring rain!

“There is more refreshment and stimulation in a nap, even of the briefest, than in all the alcohol ever distilled.” - Ovid

“Home is the place where, when you have to go there, they have to take you in.” - Robert Frost

I'm off out later for the first time since Barbara went home. To be absolutely honest I had no intention of going. It's one of my colleagues "leaving do", well not strictly leaving, but off to maternity leave. I've known her for maybe 14 years, so it's not as if she's a casual acquaintance, I just don't feel very sociable, not in the slightest. However she rang me up earlier, to offer me a lift. Now it's one thing not going and saying afterwards, I was a bit "off colour", but it's another matter entirely to say I'm not coming to her face, er almost. You never know I might enjoy it! Now why did she pick a swanky and pricey restaurant and on a FRIDAY night? Now I have to go out amongst the drunken and predominantly young masses that I usually do so much to avoid!

This week I've begun a "Due South" marathon, I'd forgotten how much I liked this show!

The third season replacement "Ray" Callum Keith Rennie , was born in Sunderland and raised in Canada, interesting eh?

“We drive into the future using only our rear view mirror.” - Marshall McLuhan

“Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did”

Note to future self - I'm only dealing with fluff and nonsense now, because I don't want to begin that cycle of self loathing and negativity that plagued me for years. I am self confessed as mildly dense and not even able to explain my motivations to myself, but this seems like the right thing to do at the moment. Yet the elephant remains.


On a lighter note - We discovered a colleague (who I shall mysteriously name J) unresponsive, convulsing, and lying in vomit (it turned out to be Labyrinthitis later, but looked much more serious at the time). We got him to A/E and he returned a few hours later, staggering down the corridor, unaccompanied, uniform open , half covered in coffee ground vomit. Any observers must have thought we're a bunch of drunks! (how close, how close). Then he had the nerve to go home sick!

Sadly George Carling passed away today, one of my favourite stand ups, so both quotes are from him today.

“Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that ...”

“If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.”

Summer solstice eh? downhill from here then? It'll be Christmas before you know it etc. etc? But what about the elephant in the room Billy?

"Proud to stand beneath the union jack?
Happy dealing up a no ace pack?
Polishing black boots
Priming the riot squad
There go I but for the grace of god
Covering up the agony with mindless entertainment
You'll be happy when they're ripping up the pavement
Bringing down the axe on steelworks and foundries
Someone said love knows no boundaries
Close your eyes and think of England
Lie back and think of her"

Ah the 1980's !

“When things are bad, we take comfort in the thought that they could always be worse. And when they are, we find hope in the thought that things are so bad they have to get better.”

“I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.”

Bloody so called British weather. Rain Rain Rain, Cold Cold Cold. Jack was already a dull boy, but now he's cold and miserable too! It's almost July for goodness sake, the Sunshine was about the only thing keeping me afloat, apart from random purchases and alcohol. I am such an anally retentive consumerist whore, and lord knows I have no financial backing to that statement. As I'm sure I've said before, the only thing preventing me from being a snob is money! I have all the qualifications. (Okay - a slight smile played across my amorphous features for a moment!)

“A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.” - W.C. Fields

“Dave, my mind is going,” “I can feel it. I can feel it.”

Another deleted, or rather abandoned, post, I only kept the title.

“The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who haven't got it.” - George Bernard Shaw

I've just found out! I've got one less Friend. Words would be very hollow. How did I let this happen, How?

“Misfortune tests friends, and detects enemies”

My Brother has had some bad luck over the past few years. Highlights include divorce which led to homelessness, depression and then redundancy (though unrelated to all the others). Recently spiralling debts left him only one choice , to declare himself bankrupt. I wouldn't usually talk about this here, but today I was at my Mams, yes again, when his one remaining asset, his car, was collected and taken away! (by debtors) It was heartbreaking for me, and I was already feeling sorry for myself , so heaven knows how he felt. He doesn't really communicate feelings, at least to me, and he was putting on a stoic "couldn't care less" face.
It's going to be a big problem for such a sociable Fella, luckily he has some good friends, who I'm sure will help out (as will I!). Anyway good luck with your interviews FAH!


“Words pay no debts.” - William Shakespeare

“Just think of how stupid the average person is, and then realize half of them are even stupider!”

Well yesterday's post seems prophetic (and pathetic) today. A life shattering e-mail, and now the day stretched out in front of me seems even more empty and pointless than it did when I got out of bed. I really am the Architect of my own destruction, I know I've said this many times before, but I really am an idiot!

“The best way to waste your life, ... is by taking notes. The easiest way to avoid living is to just watch. Look for the details. Report. Don't participate.” - Chuck Palahniuk

edit - in the hour or so spent with this post, the sun of the past few days has vanished and it looks like there's going to be a storm. Honestly I'm not making this stuff up.

“Sometimes the first duty of intelligent men is the restatement of the obvious.”

Blah Blah Blah. Snippet of useless information. Vague suggestion of self loathing. Redeemed slightly by a witticism. Vaguely appropriate clip, though sometimes not even vaguely appropriate. Vaguely appropriate quote. Shirley Manson picture

“Each generation imagines itself to be more intelligent than the one that went before it, and wiser than the one that comes after it” - George Orwell

“If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?”

Heat Heat Heat! Moans all winter about the cold, then moans at the first hot day! I don't mind really, it does lift the spirits somewhat, but it's harder to hide the bulk with no winter clothes! It's late evening and it's 24 degrees in here, what a waist ! (sic)

The letter "K" , numeral "0", and right control, are getting increasingly difficult to use on my keyboard, due to my beer spillage last November - but I am absolutely NOT buying a new keyboard!!!

“I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.” - Stephen Wright

“I've often said, the only thing standing between me and greatness is me”

“Quotation is a serviceable substitute for wit.” - Oscar Wilde

“The best way to be boring is to leave nothing out” - Voltaire

I'm very,very tired. I came in from work and fell asleep! I woke up and typed "this".
Hardly earth shattering news I know. It remains warm, which is nice, but everything else seems very uninteresting at the moment, including me!
See you soon.

“Do I listen to pop music because I'm miserable or am I miserable because I listen to pop music?” - John Cusack
“Without music to decorate it, time is just a bunch of boring production deadlines or dates by which bills must be paid” - Frank Zappa

“If music be the food of love, play on"

What the Helen of Troy?

Just checking in. Days off are here again and that always makes me happy (or at least happier, everything is relative eh?).

Very stressful day at work! Nurses eh?

Let me recommend a film "Awesome; I Fuckin' shot that!" (excuse the profanity) The Beastie Boys fan shot concert film. Perhaps the best Concert Film ever?

Pushing Daisies Season one : now concluded on ITV1, but the ludicrous thing (here in the UK) is that episode 2 was dropped to fit in football, yes football! Apparently no UK team is even playing in this tournament (football interests me as much as a fungal infection, i.e. not at all). However Season 1 of Pushing Daisies was 9 episodes ~(thanks writers strike!) but there was only 8 weeks until "football", the new opiate of the people, so goodbye episode 2 (apparently the most expendable). This is the 21st century and all things are equally ephemeral (especially "Pushing Daisies", but that is part of it's appeal, whimsy for the masses), but there are 4 ITV channels at least! (they eventually made it available online. )

I know - it doesn't sound like me saying it - but Friends are the most important thing, like ever! (note to self - get some)

“There is no feeling, except the extremes of fear and grief, that does not find relief in music.” - T.S.Eliot