“Children are our second chance to have a great parent-child relationship”

"Lastly, you're all alone with nothing left but sleep,
But sleep never comes to you,
it's just the guilt and forever wakefulness of the weak"

My Dad, an emotional lost cause of course, but hope (even mine) springs eternal. I called in earlier after work, to get my post (I get all my parcels and stuff delivered there, since if I'm at work , there's no one to answer my door, see?). Anyway, last week he called me 'boring' but this week he topped this by reminding me that I have no friends, and that I'm effectively all alone in the world (although that last bit is my summing up, obviously). Whilst these two facts are not in dispute, is it really the supportive nurturing parent that reports this kind of insight to their child? In all of my 43 years I cannot recall him showing me any affection, or any physical contact. Sometimes I want to cry about it, sometimes.
I really am alone.

I have told Billie that if I ever, ever, ever get even an iota like him, she has my permission to shoot me dead. - but I worry that in Billie's life I am only a peripheral figure, more of a convenience than a role model. I'm full of shit I know...

On Friday there is a ward night out , the first since Christmas.
Sensitively they are going to the same restaurant, almost exactly one year later -to the day, that we celebrated my birthday last year, during Barbara's wonderful/tragic visit - this makes me sad , very sad.
Today is not a good day.

Billy out.

“The father who does not teach his son his duties is equally guilty with the son who neglects them.” - Confucius