My other 'brother in law' had a heart attack today, that's both of them in one year.
I, in a bizarre coincidence (is there any other type?) was in the hospital attending a meeting with my Matron and Charge Nurse (over which much sleep was lost and agitation expended by yours truly). It was all over and I was slowly shuffling down a corridor when over my ipod I heard someone calling my name, which turned out to be my Sister. She was in floods of tears, and around a couple of corners was her partner on a trolley, all dripped and oxygenated, on his way to the CCU. Fancy that.
I'd hardly slept last night, worrying about my meeting. More disjointed and illogical nightmares, and I was up at the crack of the proverbial. But enough about me, well maybe a bit more. I'm in the prime demographic and apart from having never smoked, have all the key risk factors for a heart attack. A few months ago, wanting to die, I probably would have welcomed it. But now I'm not so sure (I'm lying, I absolutely do not want to die just yet, things have to get more interesting soon, don't they?) . Time for bed...
I've suddenly started playing all my old k.d. Lang CDs again, this may be my favourite song of hers. Can you believe she's almost 50 (and she's not the only one! - er, not me btw).
“I love talking about nothing. It is the only thing I know anything about.” - Oscar Wilde
5 comments:
For the first time, I feel time like a heart beat. The seconds pumping in my breast like a reckoning. The numerous mysteries, that once seemed so distant and unreal, threatening clarity in the presence of a truth entertained not in youth, but only in its passage. I feel these words as if their meaning were weight lifted from me knowing that you will read them and share my burden as I have come to trust no other. That you should know my heart, look into it, finding there the memory and experience that belong to you, that are you, is a comfort to me now as I feel the tethers loose and the prospects darken for the continuance of a journey that began not so long ago. And which began again with a faith shaken and strengthened by your convictions. If not for which I might never have been so strong now as I cross to face you and look at you, incomplete, hoping that you will forgive me for not making the rest of the journey with you.
What can one say after a 'comment' like that what can I say, er, thanks!
It's the opening monologue, oddly enough, from an episode of the X-Files. What's her name gets cancer. Your brief words on your brother-in-law's hospitalization reminded me of that. Being at death's door step always seems to be pure turmoil. No matter how much you thought you wanted to be there.
You mean Dana Scully? Redheaded lust object of 90's youths everywhere (and 30 somethings too, koff koff...)
yes.
Yes.
YES!
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