“This wasn't just plain terrible, this was fancy terrible. This was terrible with raisins in it.” - Dorothy Parker

Not quite a recurring nightmare, more a recurring theme - decay. I always seem to be scraping at bits of my imaginary house, shoring bits up or waiting an imminent collapse. For some reason my ex wife often makes an appearance too. I don't think this means I want a reconciliation, not by any means, just that I probably want to go back to a time when things were stable, literally and figuratively, and where the best part of my life was in front of me, not way way back in the far far distance. Enough.

Anyway these nightmares seem to inform my emotional mood for the rest of the day. Which means combined with starting work very soon, Billy will be very grumpy this Saturday (and yesterdays post seemed quite upbeat, for a moment).





“This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.”

"You rang?"

Nothing has happened. It's been sunny, warmish,petrol prices are ridiculous, I had to give Billie a HUGE cheque (in amount not size) and we had a lovely meal out together last night.

I fell asleep half an hour into last nights big movie. It wasn't dull, I'm just getting old(er). I'm starting earlier tonight...

It hasn't been as warm as people think it has...

Don't you hate the type of man who steers his car with the palm of one hand, cocky sods (now if he was also wearing a blue tooth headset, well some kind of sniper would have to be contacted)

Where does all the money go?


The Mad Men Season 5 premiere wasn't something I was especially looking forward too.
I was worried I wouldn't be able to follow if for a start, it's been 18 months after all. However, it was of course, fabulous.
The story was engaging,  there was plenty of wit, but above all it all looked so fantastic!  (I'm so shallow)

It's finally 1966, and everything's groovy, apart from Petes sports coat...

Dons new apartment was perfect in every way, and Megans wardrobe an exemplar for all budding ye-ye girls.
All the characters had something to do, and a reason to do it.
Don was mostly happy (odd eh?), Pete less weaselly, Roger funny, Megan Canadian, and Joan actually had a chance to emote.


And of course that song! Zou bisou bisou indeed... (although the whole thing teetered for a moment on the meta edge of self parody)

Oh my toothache is GONE, gone I tells ya!
A repeat of the root canal and blammo! - no pain.
Sadly I have to wait four bloomin' weeks for the permanent filling to go in (Easter must be a very busy time for dentists I assume)...

“May your trouble be like the old man's teeth - few and far between”

“Am I to entertain your ballad of dissatisfaction, or has something actually happened? Because I am at work, dear.”

Hey, I was listening to this before it was cool...

"The best way to waste your life, ... is by taking notes" - Chuck Palahniuk

My "kitchen" accidentally caught fire, or at least a small part of it, due to a toaster malfunction (it melted). For a few minutes I was genuinely scared, those flames could easily have gotten out of control, honestly.
Billie was disgusted that I bought the cheapest, whitest, plasticest, toaster in the world to replace it.

Part one of repeat root canal complete - at the moment I'm pain free, sweet sweet relief.
More drilling in two weeks...


(a few hours later) I had a call from Billie for an emergency Dad lift home. I'm just returned.
Being in that part of town on a Friday night took be back to the happiest part of my teens, a time when I had good (or in fact any) friends, and somewhere to be.
Actually from Billies present abode you can see the location of my wedding reception. It's only about 200m distant, and my best man lived about 300m, just over there to the left (sorry, I forgot you're not privy to my mental image).
I was lying in the bath earlier and pondered that nowadays I don't like to linger too long in said bath. However, when I was married, I used to take absolutely ages - I only recall this because my ex-wife would often bemoan the fact.
Point? not sure, but now I pretty much have all the alone time I want or could ever need , then not so much, a connection? You be the judge...

Rambling recollection ends...

 Welcome back community...

“Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken.” -  Chuck Palahniuk

“Why should anybody be interested in some old man who was a failure?” - Ernest Hemingway

I think at around 2am I was all set to 'post' something, but it seems I fell asleep... and also no semi drunken posting.
I can recall some of my thoughts, but it won't have quite the same 'fluidity' (a joke) in the cold cold light of the morning

I had a very nice evening with Billie yesterday. We had a pleasant meal, I moaned about being constantly broke (in all senses), and we talked a lot about our situation, how we got here, and what the future may hold.
She is so grown up now, and has been for a long time. My fatherly role is now mostly a honorary title.

Later, alone at home that led to wine induced rumination.
Of course I seem to arrived quickly at my favourite ponderable, and the worst mistake I ever made.
Do I have to say it again? Something along the lines of being half a world away from here, both figuratively and literally, with the most wonderful company one could ever have.

Don't worry it's almost out of my system.

I'm never going to mention this ever again (well maybe not for a very long time) ...


“If two people love each other, there can be no happy end to it” - Ernest Hemingway
ps - whilst reading this post press 'play' on my previous post. I find the music and self pity go together wonderfully...

"Live Together, Die Alone"

"Live Together, Die Alone" from yakkowarner on 8tracks.

“A perpetual holiday is a good working definition of hell.” - George Bernard Shaw

As usual, nothing much to say, just feeling a litle lonely I suppose, lonely and bored.

My computer caught a virus yesterday. I'm so very careful about these things, I was just unlucky. Anyway, I've spent the best part of a day getting it back to a useable state. I lost a few things, and it's sluggish at best, but I was so lost without it, LOST I tell ya!
What did we do before the Internet, did anything even exist pre 1994 (year I bought my first modem, £220 !!!).

I shall continue to nurse my ageing machine back to an approximation of health ( I really need a new desktop, and Billie would love a new laptop).

I've just watched 'Midnight In Paris' which is probably why my spirits are relatively good. What a fun, uplifting movie. Of course the way the story would develop was plain to see for all from the first few scenes, but the journey was such a delight!

I've drank far too much this week. I've really no excuse, apart from being on holiday. Two of the main functions of work, at least for me (which I've stated many times before) is to make me appreciate my time off, and to give me a reason (ie early starts) not to drink. The fact that I can decide not drink before an early shift is the only thing reassuring me that alcoholism is not (yet) an imminent problem for me. Ain't I cheery?

Bloggers spell check is not working (at least for me) at the moment, so I apologise for any errors...

(two hours later, all back to normal, feeling very anxious, and quite nauseous, it's 2.30 am, that's more like it...)

“If all the year were playing holidays, to sport would be as tedious as to work.” - William Shakespeare 

 

“Nothing's impossible for those who don't have to do it”

In a rather predictable episode of self pity, I was reading some old posts a few nights ago. They made me actually nostalgic for my own life , fancy that.
More importantly, I was struck by how upbeat I sounded, I talked about stuff, and even through in the occasional (attempted) joke. That guy was optimistic I tell you!

Last night I watched 'Mulholland Drive', finally. It's been dust collecting for quite a while. Like Mark Twain sort of said, a classic is something everyone claims to have read, but no one actually wants to read. Some movies are like that, they seem a chore (until watched at least) hence the lure of the blockbuster, with no thinking required, moving on I gave it a whirl...

Well it certainly made me think, a lot, and I went to bed very very disturbed.
Since no one's reading this and no one cares about an 11 year old film, spoilers don't apply. The bulk of the story was, apparently, the aspirational dream of a human failure. What could have happened, what should have happened. A life in decline re-imagined as a life in ascendance.

That's pretty much every dream I've had for the past 10 years...

“To be wrong is nothing unless you continue to remember it” - Confucius

I detect a hint of photoshop...