“I may not be better than other people, but at least I'm different.” Jean-Jacques Rousseau

Well about 90 minutes ago my computer chair toppled over (and me in it!) the base sheared completely off! Sadly it's out of guarantee (older readers may remember me accidentally blowing up the electronics in it last year!). So here I am perched on a temporary replacement, I spend so much time in front of this computer, a permanent, comfy, and cheap replacement must be found!

I've just watched the "Lost" season finale, and boy am I flummoxed yet entertained! With this show it's the journey that's as important as the destination. For every tantalising partial answer to some mystery dating back often seasons, another two pop up! It's like trying to kill a Hydra !!!

Oh I bought a couple of second hand CD's today. Looking through the discs at home one was empty, what sort of idiot doesn't check the box? - me I suppose! Damn, £1 wasted!!!

Blimey my neck is aching, I've been spoiled reclining in that comfy chair for the past year!
I've got an appointment with Ikea! (well next Wednesday anyway!)

“There is frequently more to be learned from the unexpected questions of a child than the discourses of men.” - John Locke

“Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper” - Scottish proverb

Lovely and warm today eh? and payday too! I bought a new router today (in conjunction with my Dad and my Brother - cheapskate eh?) so I can now take my laptop to my Mams and waste even more time there!

Also I read that John Phillip Law has died recently (who? you may ask), he was only 71. He starred in one of my favourite films "Danger Diabolik!" and he was also very memorable in "CQ" and "Barbarella".
... And in other pop culture news, it seems that Shirley Manson , who makes an "occasional" appearance here, has signed up to appear in season two of "Terminator - The Sarah Connor Chronicles" (what a tongue twister of a title!!). Now I am not enamoured enough to assume that she will be fantastic (in fact I suspect she will stink!) but I've been surprised before (I think).
I suppose she must have screen tested or something? I suppose this means the solo album has been shelved forever? Who saw this one coming? (no one , that's who!)

“Remember to always be yourself. Unless you suck.” - Joss Whedon

“I like men who have a future and women who have a past” - Oscar Wilde

I was up and ready very early yesterday, not for any special reason, it's possibly just a phase. It was sunny, and a Friday so I went to a local market, at South Shields to be precise.
It's obviously a long time since I was there, as many of the familiar landmarks on route were gone (including an entire council estate!) and when I arrived the car park I used to use had been flattened and redeveloped. This Friday flea market used to be a regular trip out in years gone by, and the changes made me remember the quote from Bill Watterson :

“Know what's weird? Day by day, nothing seems to change. But pretty soon, everything's different.”

Suddenly you realise you are living in the future your past self used to dream about. It may not be quite as you pictured it (I, for one, am relieved food doesn't come in pill form and that we are, as a nation, not wearing one piece silver/geometric jumpsuits. However I was looking forward to a flying car, or at the very least a jetpack!!) but as Buckaroo Banzai famously said, "No matter where you go, there you are".

(one of my all time favourite TV themes)

“The best thing about the future is that it comes only one day at a time.” - Abraham Lincoln

“The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with watches you shave his face in the mirror every morning” "cowboy" proverb

Look! this post has a free gift - an alcohol fuelled item I forgot to er "publish" yesterday.
Anyhow, thankfully the weather was pretty nice today, I had a pleasant little walk listening to music and enjoying the random music pleasures of my ipod. Amazingly I seem to have developed a new knack for getting up at a reasonable time. Free time in the morning has begun to seem much more appealing than the same thing late at night. Older readers may remember that from 2004 until last summer I had an ongoing battle with insomnia, which apart from the occasional blip, seems totally cured now (apart from the tinnitus thing of course).

Random spotted irritations! - blue tooth headsets! (I know, again!) Seriously, are there people (i.e. men) who think these things look cool?
Plastic laminates - people proudly wearing swipe cards, as if they'll grant them access to Area 51 or S.H.I.E.L.D. HQ, instead of the little inconsequential office they actually work in.
Really if people just realised how unimportant we are as individuals, maybe the planet wouldn't be the misanthropic mess it is right now! (sorry I was briefly serious there, flippancy is now restored!)

“I have, all my life long, been lying till noon; yet I tell all young men, and tell them with great sincerity, that nobody who does not rise early will ever do any good” - Samuel Johnson

(bonus post...)

...and thirdly, only joking.

deleted nonsense went here

“Worthless people live only to eat and drink; people of worth eat and drink only to live.” - Socrates

“The greatest step is out the door.”German Proverb

...and one more thing, for the third week in a row I put out my recycling (still full of beer bottles from my birthday!) and for the third week in a row it wasn't collected. Except today there was actually more in it! someone had added an empty vodka bottle on top? what on earth?

“The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.” - George Carlin

“Don't ever make the same mistake twice, unless it pays.” Mae West

Oh dear, I've just checked my bank balance, and giving no details, it's a lot lower than I like (but hey, who in the world wouldn't ever say that?). I've never been overdrawn and my only debt is my mortgage (but what a debt !) so I really shouldn't complain. But when has that ever stopped me? (is it bad grammar to start a sentence with but? - I think so). I blame the five week month, since we get paid on the last Thursday, a fluke of the calender throws this up a couple of times a year.
On the up side it's my days off! and it looks sunny!

I watched the whole of season two of Dexter in something like 8 days. I quite enjoyed the first half, but the second piled on cliffhanger after twist and tension after tension (i.e. it was great!)
I was bemoaning the change in direction, and the reset switch was engaged somewhat at the end , but hey that's what we all wanted!
...and the finale of House (season 4) was a genuine surprise, and really quite sad!

“Economy is how to spend money without enjoying it”

“Cats aren't clean, they're just covered with cat spit”

In which we sink to new depths of triviality

One of the many improvements to my everyday life that Barbara left me is a restored fondness for a bath. Oh I used to love to sit in the bath for ages back in the old married days, but when I moved in here I was all for the quick fix, the shortcut, the lazy route. Consequently a quick shower was all I had for years. (To be entirely truthful the fact that the bath taps were so old and corroded that they could only produce a trickle was a major factor too). My brother installed new taps for me, in preparation for Barbara's visit (but this being a house of horrors , the water pressure still means I can read a short novel, a novella if you will, whilst it is filling) and now I can enjoy that back to the womb immersion in hot water we all love. Combined with a good radio show it's a perfect way to spend time.

(I suspect that when the temperature falls below zero in there later in the year, I might not be so upbeat).

“Marriage is like a hot bath. Once you get used to it, it's not so hot.”

“Guns don't kill people, people kill people, and monkeys do too (if they have a gun).”

Mickey, bugs and telly - lots of telly...

My Daughter's flown off to Florida for a couple of weeks.

I noticed the Changing room at work has cockroach traps scattered all about!

I've been listening to a lot less music recently, and watching more TV, since there are so many good shows at the moment, and I need some escapism (you dolt!)
I'm finding particular comfort in some old favourites, this weeks House MD (House's Head) was especially entertaining. Battlestar Galactica (Season 4 - still probably the best show on TV at the moment) is going through a sombre and introspective phase at the (hopefully foreshadowing lots of kick ass action), and I'm also engrossed by Season 2 of "Dexter", Michael C Hall is a brilliant Actor (although unfortunately the second season pales in comparison to the first).

And I finally got around to watching "Pushing Daisies" and although I like it , a lot, it is trying just a little bit too hard (actually a lot) to be quirky and individual, whereas it is blatantly "inspired" by Amelie, and Jim Dales voice overs are beginning to grate(sometimes less is more). Lots of dialogue said quickly seems to be masquerading as wit, but overall it passes muster. Of course I mustn't forget "Lost" which is having a bit of a renaissance at the moment, I think the shortened season means that more plot is being packed into each show - now with added plot!

Hang on - I didn't mean this post to turn into a TV roundup. (well it has - so there!)


“What worries you, masters you.” - John Locke (no not that one!)

“Sunshine all the time makes a desert” Arab Proverb

Welcome to a world of bad grammar, non sequiturs, stupidity, shame, and of course pointlessness.

Oh dear. I woke up with a bad head today (it's actually Friday the 16th), and I only had one glass of wine - really (no really, that wasn't a wink wink).
I had been on a six day stretch, and it has been a stressful time too - hang on this is starting to sound like an excuse fest.
You may notice hat this post is wrongly dated, as I deleted an used draft to use these quotes, being lazy, and being lazy I didn't correct the date. That was a long sentence eh?

That explains a sudden second post which "arrived" last night , whilst sipping. (Just think of Back To The Future Part II) but was actually "written" first ! (but appears after this one!)

“We learn little from our successes, but a lot from our failures” - Yes another Arab proverb

“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the the universe.” - Albert Einstein

An idiot writes:

I suspect this may be my last post for a while. I've been sitting looking at this screen for days wondering exactly what to write, or more correctly, exactly how to write it.

However to retain the feeling of the moment, I had to write this right now, at the height of my self pity.

As Barbara so rightly pointed out to me, just minutes ago , this blog isn't really for the consumption of others (hence the title) but to remind me of how I felt when I look back on it.
And boy am I feeling now, but feeling what though?

Let me stop and make a statement - Barbara Hultberg is the best friend I've ever had, and likely ever will have.
She's not perfect, and she'll be the first to admit that, but she's empathic, caring and above all honest, and I've hurt her.

I don't know exactly why, but it has something to do with my selfishness, fear of change, inertia, and did I mention my selfishness ?
It didn't work out as I'd hoped and that is mostly down to self sabotage. I don't want to feel the way I do know, but I have to, and more importantly I need to remember how it feels. I'm not making excuses, and this isn't a cathartic process, just a record.

I know I'm pathetic and self indulgent, but I'm also wretched and human, indulge me for a moment won't you?


“What you leave behind is not what is engraved in stone monuments, but what is woven into the lives of others.” - Pericles