Once I get home however, I usually start to go a bit crackers.
I worry about everything, big, small and all stations in between. . Problems pile up and sometimes feel like they are crushing me.
For instance, a new concern for tonight - when I got home I discovered what appears to be a leaking pipe under the floor boards. I say appears only because I know the heating pipes pass that spot, and the carpet dampness may be something else, deep down I suspect it's absolutely nothing, of course, but that won't stop my conscious mind fretting.
As you probably know, I really quite detest this house where I "live".
Sometimes It feels like a prison, a dingy, cold, and foreboding prison. Every time a creak, groan, or crack is discovered I naturally assume it's an imminent disaster or the universe conspiring against me (For evidence see numerous blog entries going back bloody years). It never feels relaxing or welcoming. I envy other peoples "homes".
Moving here was one of the two gigantic mistakes I've made since I divorced.
(a couple of hours later) It's nearly 3am.I feel a little better. I'd really love to chat to someone, but since that's highly unlikely to happen, I'll prattle on a bit...
For some reason I only watch "TV" (by which I mean projector) after 9pm, and not at all if I'm an early start the next day.
My projector maybe the best thing I've ever bought.
An 110 inch picture in full HD, and it cost less than a 50 inch set, (about £540). Now while that may seem a lot (especially combined with a motorised screen and an upgraded sound system), It gives me endless big screen pleasure.
In quality it's at least as good as a 90s cinema, and maybe a little better than some of the smaller multiplex screens of today. I'm not really fan of digital projection, at least at some cinemas - the whites flicker terribly, there's uneven brightness and films are often terribly unfocused.
I've watched a mix bag of films this week (no imported TV shows this time of year, the only broadcast show I've watched over Christmas was "Doctor Who", actually that applies to the whole of last year!).
"Drive" led to "Bronson" (as I'd not realised they shared a director) the next night.
I'd never seen Bronson before, and I'm still not sure if I actually enjoyed it or not. Tom Hardy, was of course superb, but I'm confused as to the point the film was trying to make. (I did spot a satellite dish in the 1970s set portion, which amused me somewhat).
Tonight I watched "Sunshine" which (spoiler) despite it's "happy" ending, really quite depressed me. It wasn't quite the movie I remembered (and I didn't recall Chris Evans being in it at all), but it seemed so bleak, but quite quite lovely to look at.
Maybe that's due to my differing state of mind in the intervening years? That seems logical, although at the moment logic isn't my strong point (but anxiety fuelled paranoia is, go figure!).
My viewing highlight of the week was a wonderful documentary on BBC4 about Clara Bow. I've never seen a single one of her movies, but something about pictures of her have always captivated me (as Jane Seymour did to Christopher Reeve in "Somewhere In Time". which features John Barry's best ever score. If you haven't seen that movie and have a beating heart, I can't recommend it enough)
I've quite a collection of her images on my hard drive, and they all have a luminosity, despite those frankly (to contemporary eyes at least) bizarre late 20s/early 30s eyebrows!
Her face has appeared here often, and will now almost certainly be below this post.
I'd always assumed she'd died young, and was surprised she'd simply given up making movies, and actually died the year I was born.
That's enough waffle for now, I'm feeling a little tired at last.
Be seeing you...
“In a fight between you and the world, pick the world” - Frank Zappa
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