However - next day I noticed the floor at the other end of my kitchen (or area I designate as a kitchen, it barely fulfils the role) was damp. I lifted the lino, to find the concrete floor wet. After a day and a half I realised I should probably pull the whole lino up and the whole floor was soaked. I'd visions of concrete being dug up and builders and kerfuffle and money! but it occurred to me the epicentre was my washing machine, maybe it's leaking? I couldn't move it on my own, but I've a nice brother coming tomorrow to help me look.
Work is - well the worst experience of Nursing I've had in my 25 years experience. We are understaffed, and overlooked. I've never seen a staff look so dejected and empty eyed, something is rotten in the state of Denmark...
More importantly...
I've been feeling worse and worse these past few weeks. I'm constantly tense, the future doesn't look bleak as much as non existent, and I sincerely can't remember the last time I felt happy.
Tonight I had something of a crisis, and whilst texting Billie found myself in floods, literally, of tears. I haven't cried so much since well, you know. I feel a little better an hour or two later, but I MUST get to my Doctor later this week, this can't go on.
She's the only good thing in my life, and all that got me through my last "episode". A Father shouldn't have to apologise to his Daughter for being eternally sad, she should have someone to look up to and admire, not feel sorry for, and I want to be that man...
“If you think you have it tough, read history books.” - Bill Maher
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