An idiot writes:I suspect this may be my last post for a while. I've been sitting looking at this screen for days wondering exactly what to write, or more correctly, exactly how to write it.
However to retain the feeling of the moment, I had to write this right now, at the height of my self pity.
As Barbara so rightly pointed out to me, just minutes ago , this blog isn't really for the consumption of others (hence the title) but to remind me of how I felt when I look back on it.
And boy am I feeling now, but feeling what though?
Let me stop and make a statement - Barbara Hultberg is the best friend I've ever had, and likely ever will have.
She's not perfect, and she'll be the first to admit that, but she's empathic, caring and above all honest, and I've hurt her.
I don't know exactly why, but it has something to do with my selfishness, fear of change, inertia, and did I mention my selfishness ?
It didn't work out as I'd hoped and that is mostly down to self sabotage. I don't want to feel the way I do know, but I have to, and more importantly I need to remember how it feels. I'm not making excuses, and this isn't a cathartic process, just a record.
I know I'm pathetic and self indulgent, but I'm also wretched and human, indulge me for a moment won't you?
“What you leave behind is not what is engraved in stone monuments, but what is woven into the lives of others.” - Pericles
2 comments:
Billy hun,
god knows why we do what we do, but whatever we do do ... it all ends up in the wash and works out in the end.
take it from one who knows
dont be too hard on yourself x
Thanks Chilli, good to hear from you, but there's no denying I'm an idiot - no comebacks!
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