"When your world is full of strange arrangements,And gravity wont pull you through,
You know youre missing out on something,
Well that something depends on you."
Was it really Sunday when I last posted? Really? I'm striving for a metaphor here, but nothing is coming to mind. But really every day is pretty much the same now. They come in two flavours, work day and day off. Each has it's set pattern. That's pretty much me now, 'a set pattern', set in something akin to stone I suspect, and we know how long it takes even the elements to change the shape of stone, longer than i have left I suspect. Of course the astute amongst you will remember the quantum leap of change I had a chance at. Yes not that long ago, I had it in mind to relocate myself halfway round the world, and have a stab at proper grown up happiness. And it's nights like this, early morning, alone, starting to get cold, still slightly tipsy, when all that regret, and self pity comes up, pow, and socks me right in the belly, where it squirms and twists until my eyes inevitably become moist, and even I fall asleep, probably to the arms of bad dreams, dreams poured full of self loathing, regret, regret and more regret.
Oh I'm in such a good, good mood. By which it must be obvious that I'm not. Will I ever feel better? I certainly don't deserve to, whether it's the universe or my subconscious punishing me, it is what I deserve. So you might ask , if you acknowledge you are getting your comeuppance, why analyse it so much? give in to the inevitable!
To which I must answer, mind your own bloody business, it's my blog, and I'll cry if I want to!!
(but later I might add, you are a very perceptive reader, any more insights?)
“I think I've discovered the secret of life - you just hang around until you get used to it.” - Charles M. Schulz
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