I'm sorry that you ever needed something like CBT at some point, but you sound healthy and strong in your comment.
(and please don't be a stranger)
And my what an early riser you are!
I only got your message after a long day at work.
A job that each day brings new disappointments. I used to go to work and enjoy it, almost have a bit of fun. Not so much recently, and I'm not alone in this, morale is at an all time low, sickness an all time high - a once great team is fragmented and broken.
I'm down to maybe a 9 today.
I had an hour long phone call from what I presume was a CPN, to do some telephone triage. I really hoped I would get offered some kind of face to face therapy, but I'm looking forward to the distance CBT they offered me.
I actually went for four whole days without eating anything. I know I was stupid, and I would think the same of one of my patients, but I felt so nauseous, and the meds removed any appetite, I simply didn't feel hungry, at all. I did manage a little soup today, but that made me feel nauseous afterwards. At least the endless tummy rumbling died down somewhat, at least for a while.
And tired, so very tired. Any veterans of my blog may remember my years of insomnia, but recently that's only a distant memory. I've been sleeping, sleeping sleeping, and falling asleep at the drop of a hat (probably a nightcap at that). I assume this is also a side effect?
I need to make some big changes in my life.
I don't feel suicidal, I want to see Billie grow up and flourish, but sometimes, a lot of the time in fact, the future just doesn't seem to exist for me. The relentless humdrummery of my current existence, the financial insecurity, the loneliness, the phone that never rings. What's the point? (you just mentioned it dummy! - your daughter)
Cheer up Billy, please...
“In a fight between you and the world, pick the world” - Frank Zappa
(posted a couple of years ago I think, but worth a revisit)
2 comments:
I am an early riser....unfortunately, but I have to get 3 very sleepy adolescents out to their various places of study on time. Doesn't always go to plan though. Sometimes I sleep in:-) CBT by phone....i guess its better than no cbt. Used in conjunction with the website and book I told you about could be dandy for you. I had a phone assessment first and was then offered face to face counseling sessions. Honestly, for me it was such a positive experience. I learnt so much about what makes me tick and how to change old thinking patterns. Its a daily application and life does seem to get better as you're more equipped to deal with what comes your way. Good and bad :-)
I am somewhat happy now. Still mad about my films, music, and books. Met a lovely man last year at a Noel Gallagher gig and he gets me lol. Knows all about me because I can be rather complex at times lol but likes me just the way I am. I like that bit:-) Things will change if you want them too. I had to push myself to go out, even to places I didn't want to go to but along the way it got better and I actually started to enjoy myself.....weird eh? It was for me:-) I really hope it all works out for you old pal. I know its been a good few years now but I still pass by your blog every now and again to see how you're keeping, and leave a wee comment if I need to. Its nice that someone else left a comment about cbt too. You do have people who care about you:-) I wish you every happiness x
Hi Billy, Its the other anonymous here (not Andrea, but the one who left a comment about cbt). I just wanted to say that I have done cbt on the phone and 1 to 1, and much prefered it by phone. Sitting in front of someone who is looking at you and listening to you - I felt judged, I felt like they were thinking I was pathetic, and that my issues were not as 'bad' as someone elses - and it stopped me from really speaking freely, and therefore wasn't as good quality help. On the phone though, I thought who cares? They don't know me, I don't know them - I can be really honest and say anything! It was quite liberating really - and I think more helpful in the long run. I am really glad your friend Andrea sounds happy too ... and she is right - you have to push yourself to do things you don't really want to, but it starts working eventually. Take care of yourself x
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