“Take care to get what you like or you will be forced to like what you get” - George Bernard Shaw

Just back from a very long (seemingly) shift at work. I put a tubular bandage on my ankle, it feels much better, and it's greatly reduced my limp!
I've still got that sense of dread, which I thought I'd mentioned before, but foolishly realise, I haven't. Anyway since I don't believe in the supernatural, precognition, fate, or any other premonition based malarkey, I'm obviously simply going crackers.
Weeks of disturbing dreams and now this almost unshakable sense of impending doom, completely nuts! There can be no other explanation.

I've now watched the whole of the first season of "Game Of Thrones" , and I was slowly, but inescapably ,taken over by the complexity, the production design and simply bloody good story telling. Some genuine surprises, no spoilers, and that NI scenery looks great (and I know some of it is shot in Malta, the 'sunny' bits!). Hard to believe that all the interiors are shot in the former shipyards. I'd really like to visit Belfast some day, I hear it's a great place.

I bought some second hand 'Rush' CDs which I am enjoying very much, I love being so eclectic! oh stop!
But really I must stop, or at least slow down with the CD purchasing (why?). On Wednesday of this week, I either received in the post, or bought secondhand, 17. And they weren't the only ones this week. In my defence, I never buy new (or at least full price!), but if i like music, I like to 'own' it, I have an undeniable hoarding instinct which I've somehow sublimated into CD buying these past 3 years (!). I'm rambling and giddy, I'm off to bed.  Another long stretch of days at work ahead, so you probably won't hear anything from me, until wine can be consumed once more!

I came to this song via Laura Cantrell, whom I adore, the John Prine original is great too, but youtube had no decent videos of either, so here's a nice Johnny Cash version. but if you can check the Laura Cantrell version, it's simple and heartbreaking...

“We want a few mad people now. See where the sane ones have landed us!” - George Bernard Shaw

 

 

 

(this post was about 2am this morning, it obviously precedes the one above, but it confused me!)

Lying in bed, typing on iPod. I hurt my ankle a couple of days ago, and the pain is keeping me awake. Also the room is spinning slightly. I'll finish in the morning, I imagine.

“We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience.”- George Bernard Shaw

I'm just a little bit drunk, and a whole lot tired. A long stretch at work over, and I'll hopefully see Billie tomorrow for the first time in a couple of weeks.

I've nothing much to say. Oh - It would've been my 25th wedding anniversary on Monday, if that's of any interest. I've no regrets, really, but that's the kind of date that sticks in the mind I suppose.

I had what seemed like a whole week of nightmares last week. Maybe nightmares is a little strong, unsettling dreams maybe, and maybe week is a little strong too, 3 or 4 nights, I think. Anyway the past couple of days I've simply been too knackered and miserable to let such trifles bother me. In other self pitying news, I don't think I've ever quite been so broke. It's pay day this week, but alas, that only gives a brief illusion of a reprieve, by the time Messrs Direct and Debit come a calling I'll be back in the same watery vessel I find myself in now (boat, I mean boat!!! see?).


Breaking Bad continues to impress, Game of Thrones is actually rather good. The rest, for now at least, is silence...

“The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who haven't got it.”

“I love mankind; it's people I can't stand.” - Charles Schulz

So little has happened the last few days, therefore - no posting.
I really felt like being a chatty Kathy too. Boy, I really need someone to talk to.

I'm all over the place today, I've been feeling decidedly odd, my minds a whirl. I haven't been outside for a day or two now, but I'm back to work in a few hours, so no choice there. There just doesn't seem to be any reason to go out anymore. Billie is on a school trip to Paris, so I don't even have that small calling anymore. I had some unsettling dreams last night, and i couldn't shake off the emotional hangover all day. I didn't even open the curtains today, which is how it all started last time (I didn't open my curtains for about six months prior to finally goin' nuts! - paging Dr. Freud!).

I've watched a bucket load of TV though, finally getting around to that Dirty Harry box set, I especially loved the San Francisco scenery (if money were no object I'd live there!), and I've started  'Game of Thrones' at last. It didn't initially grab me, but I'm sure it will come after a few more episodes. Northern Ireland looks very lovely though. 

I've taken a  bit of a shine to twitter recently, I can see how it could become addictive. I only wish I had a few followers, so my words of wisdom don't vanish unappreciated (oh yeah).

It's very very late, and I really should go to bed, but I don't feel tired at all, my minds a whirligig, at least metaphorically. 

“It is an odd thing, but every one who disappears is said to be seen at San Francisco. It must be a delightful city, and possess all the attractions of the next world.” - Oscar Wilde

 

 

"It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury; signifying nothing. "

Looks like I'm staying put today. I'm fine sitting down, but due to a freak muscly spasmy episode, I can't seem to stand up straight. It happened yesterday when I took my Mam out shopping, and bent down to a low shelf. The upside is I look absolutely hilarious, sadly/luckily (delete as applicable) there's no one here to see the funny L shaped man.

I watched the last two episodes of "Band Of Brothers" last night, and, once again found myself crying - twice! The concentration camp is so moving, anyone not shedding a tear surely cannot be human, and the final reveal of the characters real life counterparts gets me every time.

“The aim of the wise is not to secure pleasure, but to avoid pain.” - Aristotle 

 

 

"A hobby should pass the time, not fill it. "-Norman Bates

"Oh reality, it's not for me
And it makes me laugh"


My Internet connection went down for a few hours last night, and it was like THE WORLD HAD ENDED! Obviously if Ragnarok was imminent I'd probably have other concerns, but you get the gist, eh? I'm not a great lover of the mobile phone, other than as a gadget, but I imagine that's akin to the withdrawal a teenager must feel (especially one I know) when deprived of their blackberry, or what have you. I don't converse with anyone online, but just having the potential is somewhat uplifting, plus all the other crap too! lol ! (that "lol" was an attempt at some kind of meta joke, referring to the subject matter, it's not something I would ever say, as if!).

FYI (!) It's Thursday morning, the sun is shining, I've got the whole day ahead of me, but I won't let that stop me from having an absolutely miserable time...

"Don't worry Tony, it's only a movie." - Alfred Hitchcock

 

"Can I be serious with you with you for a minute?" "I don't know. Can you?"

Since I'm the principal audience of this so called 'blog' I've decided that I only need a numbered system to describe how I feel. My verbal skills are limited, to say the least, so all I really need is a to say a number 6, which could mean, a hint of optimism, disgruntled, and a slight stomach ache, or a number 11 which could mean extreme self pity, a dash of self loathing, hopeless yearning, and a desperate desire to buy more Cd's. I could even sub-divide categories, pity/6, sighing per hour - 5 etc etc.

This could be a contender...

As I expected my holiday is already becoming 'groundhog day' , except unlike Phil Connors, no self improvement is occurring (I think),  but thankfully no sightings of Andie MacDowell (although playing the piano would be grrrreat!)

Today was a Number 46/sp7/sl9/tab 9... 

"Ned, I would love to stay here and talk with you... but I'm not going to"

“Just think of how stupid the average person is, and then realize half of them are even stupider!” - George Carlin

Terrible film, didn't bother with the wine...

"Nothing helps a bad mood like spreading it around."

Strange how things can suddenly turn about, and by things I mean of course my ever changing mood. Earlier I actually felt kind of upbeat. I've got a weeks holiday ahead and the sun was shining, at least intermittently. Then an evening with a petulant teenager, followed by my Brother telling me he can't make the one social engagement I had planned this year (through no fault of his own, I must point out), and I feel ,well, deflated and pointless.
I know, I know, I'm pathetic, but this is kind of low level cathartic outpouring blog remember?

I'm in a right huff, make no mistake...

Ho hum, I'm off to open some wine, and watch a loud action movie, so I'll probably be back later for some mildly intoxicated fun! Wahey!

 "That’s the difference between me and the rest of the world! Happiness isn’t good enough for me! I demand euphoria!" - from "Calvin and Hobbes"

"You do not like them. So you say. Try them! Try them! and you may!"

"We have to go back..."

No, that last post didn't need any pictures or quotes, did it? The most honest post I've made in quite a while, and all done completely sober, unlike this one...

Big, big sigh...

"I don't have a microwave oven, but I do have a clock that occasionally cooks stuff." - Mitch Hedberg 

Regrets, I've had a few...

Here's something new, a post from my phone.
Anyway,
I'm feeling esecially foolish at the moment.
I moan and I winge about nothing in particular, feeling so very very sorry for myself. But some people actually have real problems.

Entirely by accident (honestly) I stumbled across Barbara's twitter account. It seems her Mam is  very unwell, and has been for quite some time.
Let me explain a little, I never, ever ever go googling Barbara (heaven knows I've wanted to) , partly down to an "ignorance is bliss" (by which I practically live my life) policy, (see also ostrich syndrome)  plus a bit of respecting her privacy (for if she wanted me to know these things, I'd know them for sure). But quite by chance I came across her in a twitter list of "following".
Whenever (admittedly now all too rarely)  I stumble across her (usually at last.fm) I experience a sensation that is a strange mixture of excitement, dizziness, apprehension, and a little dread (see earlier policy!) , it's recent enough for me to recall quite clearly, it's the most alive I've felt in a while, to be sure.
I know it's unlikely, but if you, that is Barbara Hultberg, ever read this, I wish you and your Mam , and your family all the positivity I'm capable of. I know she's in safe and loving hands.

(Spelling and all that other stuff when I get back to my computer)

And...

Happy Canada Day ! 

"Don't worry, I've never heard of me either." - Jim Gaffigan

A lovely day, warm sunshine, the day after payday, yet I feel utterly miserable. I went for a walk around the town centre this afternoon, killing time until I picked Billie up from school (and dropped her at home literally five minutes later, take what you can get eh?). 

I bought some most excellent second hand CD's, my ipods shuffle function was making some wonderful musical choices, but looking around at all the happy faces, I suddenly felt completely and utterly alone.

Everyone was going somewhere, to do something, and most alarmingly, with someone. 

Boy, do I feel lonely.

It used to be that the role of "parent" filled that void, but now, with a 15 year old daughter,  that role is almost honorary (I imagine a slight return of demand in a few years - here's hoping). I really have no (honestly) social contact outside of working hours. Most of the time that's okay, but now and again, well I've explained above what I feel.

What a misery guts!

TV highlights of the week, the slightly baffling return of "True Blood", and a marvellous surprise in Johnny Depps' "Rango", and finally, the "hope it doesn't get cancelled, just as I'm getting into it" show of the moment, "Falling Skies".

Note to self - buy less CD's! 

"Isn't it strange -- when you're single, all you see is couples, and when you're part of a couple, all you see are hookers."  - Jim Gaffigan