Goodnight

Well as I came in from work a few minutes ago I was greeted by my television aerial (no it didn't say hello - just lay on the ground), its very windy you see. good job I don't watch much TV!. One quick post before the new year, because I want next year to be better! I want things to happen! and I demand a more positive outlook! (from myself anyway).

I am becoming more and more morose and sarcastic, maybe it's Seasonal affective disorder, loneliness , or depression (or all three) but I must try and shake it off, meet people , have fun (optimistic fool). This is all starting to sound like a resolution!
Reader have a good new year.

update - now my gutterings blew off!!

I'll wait 'til tomorrow

Well just a quick one before work - It's New Years Eve! yesterday was one of those days that are getting more and more frequent for me. Slobbing around in dressing gown, without leaving the house. At least I got some sleep! (4am - midday).
Getting ready a mirror fell on my foot (ow) but didn't break - Then as if some cosmic force was thumbing it's nose at me, it fell again , and broke!

(Still no word from Florida)

Now off t' hospital to see some drunks ( and yes I mean the patients - I'm not that predictable)

early to bed tonight! I want to hide from the New Year! (and an early shift tomorrow)

She's leaving home...

Well I did something very bad today - depending on your point of view, more on that later!

More importantly, today I saw my daughter for the last time for nearly three weeks. So what? you may say, well I'll miss her - lots, I shed quite a few tears as I drove away from her Mothers house, but as a consolation tomorrow she'll be in Orlando FL !!! so at least one of us will be having a good time. (I feel so empty)

But what of my evil doing...? Well dear reader today I broke my 11th commandment so to speak - Thou shalt not own an ipod! yes I bought one! To compound my sinning I bought it from e-bay something I said I'd never do. An ipod is a fine piece of equipment, I'm not one of its bashers, I just don't really need one, I can walk to work in 10 minutes, and I never drive very far, but I want one!
Shallow, petty and materialistic, ain't I a catch!

(dunno where the cash is coming from though!!)

Tomorrow never knows...

look ... here's the way it is OK. It's 3.40am ,I've had a bottle of wine and a couple of beers (again you moan)so good advice would be to come back when I'm sober. But I don't always listen to good advice ( although recent opinion is I should go to bed). I'm tipsy but wide awake however, and I have Burt Bacharach to keep me company). Boy I want to go to Las Vegas!
There's more to life than introspection I've realised, other people's opinions are important too - I'm rambling.

What was my point? doesn't really matter, it's in there somewhere. I feel like painting, where's me easel like?

(... and imagine the fun I'll have reading this tomorrow "what the...?")

Getting Mighty crowded...

Today despite advice from myself (unheeded - obviously) I ventured out into the real world, and The Sales. Now I could go into full rant mode, but I will just give you a select few of my thoughts.I live in the North-East, which is traditionally mocked (but not without reason) for it's scantily clad ladies. Let me tell you this stereotype is ALIVE! bare midriffs should not be seen at the same time as your breath! From the amount of gold jewellery on show I felt like Cortez discovering El-Dorado (no not the soap opera, but the fabled city of gold - see?)- Sorry that's the wine talking (yes again!). There is not a super computer yet built that has the power to calculate a path through sales crowds, like that of the average human brain (plus my dancers reflexes!)the graceful way I cut through the crowds was a sight to see ( like most of my life the crowds always seemed to be going in the opposite direction) . Finally don't get me started on the numbers of bored husbands, praying for an early demise, while their perma tanned gucci spouses semi-asked " this will look lovely by the back door " (an actual overheard quote) - I am a little antimarriage but it surely is an outdated and redundant situation, don't ya think?

... and what did I buy , diddly squat
(is everybody in? the ceremony is about to begin!)

Like dreamers do

I just had the strangest dream. It was something to do with my car breaking down, my friend Claire, and Jarvis Cocker! I think I can explain most of it. I'd fallen asleep by the computer you see, and so had my BIG headphones clamped to my head, and yes I was listening to Jarvis Cocker (v good) on repeat. Claire I think was due to the instant messenger alerts I was hearing in my sleep, but the car? - hey just random dream stuff I suppose, although I'm sure Freud would have said otherwise.
Now I feel wide awake and its after 2am man!

This photos tenous connection is that it shows an example of my dream car , a VW Kharmann Ghia (Mike Myers had one in the fabulous "So I married an Axe Murderer" and he lived in San Francisco lucky sod - my favourite city) plus it has groovy sixties lady Julie Newmar as a bonus.

" Diabolik! "

Well for Boxing Day that was quite busy (at work at least) we usually have about 6 patients, but it was more like 15 today - ho hum. Tomorrow I might investigate the sales (because at last a day off, and hopefully a lie in), there are DVDs to be bought after all, but the potential crowds are putting me off.

I just realised that all my entries seem to be written either on the edge of sleep or during periods of mild intoxication (speaking of which , should I open that emergency bottle of red wine?) I might try writing one fully awake next time.

(This picture has nothing to do with this post - except to say this film has everything a lover of the Sixties might want - E-types [his and hers], Ennio Morricone soundtrack, miniskirts, lots of eye make-up, Terry Thomas, a devilishly handsome anti-hero, and a glorious pop-art sensibility , in a word fab!)

I wish I could find this poster for sale in the UK!

(I love eye make up! - on ladies at least - I haven't used it since 1983!)

God only knows...

Going to bed .... 2.30am, yet.... Strangely happy. (shhhh someone is watching!!)

The Man with the child in his eyes... (huh?)

Started blog as idle chit chat, now seems to be changing to psycho-analysis! Anyway, I got to sleep at about 3am! woo hoo! I've had insomnia on and off for a couple of years now, and combined with tinnitus, and early starts I don't get much sleep! Maybe that's why I'm always so Miserable? (although I suspect not). At least it means I can listen to lots of music! (memo to self - must convert old vinyl to mp3!). I still can't shake off this strange unease that started a couple of days ago. Again no details but I feel like I finally stuffed my suitcase full of old feelings and issues (and even sat on the lid to force the locks shut!), only for it to burst open, spilling them all over the floor again. This may take a while to clean up!

On a lighter note I compiled a nice alternative Christmas CD to listen to at work, only to have it snubbed by my colleagues for the usual lift/mall stuff! philistines!

(see this photo? I liked that fringe! had my hair cut recently and it really wasn't what I asked for! - eek - just noticed that with that Hawaiian shirt and fat face I look like Brian Wilson)

I just wasn't made for these times

Boy,
I am so full of it!



(Now I really have to go to work)

Till there was you

Now I'm confused. Ever had a great big reset button pressed ?(that's the kind of button that controls your life as opposed to your TV.)Well I feel I've taken a big step backwards (about two years) , but then a little one forwards. I'm not trying to be cryptic, after all this blog is mainly just for me to read later, and maybe recall how I felt at the time - but I won't go into details.
Again I had hardly any sleep , most of the night was taken up with by a quite remarkable online conversation with a long lost dear friend, and then I couldn't fall asleep, not isomnia this time, just a lot to think about!
Now I can hardly see for the headache
thats a bang bang banging.

Must go to work now

It's all too much...

Stayed up all night due to isomnia / worries / modern life / blah blah blah, I might as well have done a night shift! - ironically I am very tired.
(I sometimes work nights and this is just what it's like - Honest, except we don't wear hats anymore.)




(Do you think the gunman means "Ward Sister", or groovy stone cold killer street slang sister? - this fab comic book lasted all of 4 issues in the early 70's, thanks to my groovy source, whoever you are!- click on the image for it's full sized glory!)

Everybody's Got Something to Hide Except Me and My Monkey

If you are Claire Mason - go no further, anybody else read on.

(This picture is over two years old, one of a series - just in case you think I am a pyscho stalker, just seemed like a good point to post it)

normal service resumed

Sorry for that, doom and gloom will return shortly

Glad to be unhappy

Well faithful reader, you may be used to me being a miserable curmudgeon , who buys a lot of DVDs and listens to a lot of music. Er... essentially that is me I suppose , but deep deep down is a romantic heart tinged with optimism. I've just heard from a dear old friend ( I did have some once, cynics) who meant a lot to me, and for one moment , just one mind you, I remembered what happiness feels like - it's nice.


(thanks to whatever site I stole this picture from)

...must... pull... out... of... Dive!

I've just spent the last few hours compiling my annual Christmas CD compilation. Why do I do it you ask? I'm a self proclaimed Christmas hater after all? - optimism my friend, optimism! I send it out into the world and one day it may just come back. Am I trying to be enigmatic or just very tired, yes it's the latter.

(Why is the same old Christmas crap played on the radio and in stores! There is so much fabulous Christmas music out there, do we really need to hear Slade ever again? Aaagh! - cut to dollar Signs in Noddy Holders eyes - $$$ kerching $$$)

I was made for dancing

Another Stinky shift at work, but the clincher is the Venue for our "Christmas night out" rang up and cancelled due to overbooking. Lord knows I don't get out much, but is some cosmic force trying to tell me something? At my age the only excuse you get to dance is at Christmas, and I loved to dance when I was younger, I had the moves man , the moves! Shame, crying shame!

catharsis

Damn, Damn, Damn, Damn, Damn, Damn,Damn, Damn, Damn,Damn, Damn, Damn,Damn, Damn, Damn,Damn, Damn, Damn,Damn, Damn, Damn,Damn, Damn, Damn,Damn, Damn, Damn,Damn, Damn, Damn,Damn, Damn, Damn,Damn, Damn, Damn,Damn, Damn, Damn,Damn, Damn, Damn,Damn, Damn, Damn,Damn, Damn, Damn,Damn, Damn, Damn, Damn,Damn, Damn, Damn,Damn, Damn, Damn,Damn, Damn, Damn,Damn, Damn, Damn,Damn, Damn, Damn, Damn,Damn, Damn, Damn,Damn, Damn, Damn,Damn, Damn, Damn,Damn, Damn, Damn: That's better! (I never was one for swearing).

(that's an awful picture , I look dehydrated!)

and in a packed programme tonight

I still don't know the purpose of this blog! misery and TV seem the dominant themes. I find I temper what I write in case an acquaintance (there a few - honest) should happen upon it. Self Censorship! horrific. Had the day off today , never removed my dressing gown (save to shower obviously)or left the house, surely I would be a hermit if it weren't for the need to earn money - that's right I'm depressed again! an almost constant state since I was divorced. Thank goodness for Music and the internet! Well I have to be up for work in six hours , so its goodnight from me , and its goodnight from...er... no one. No doubt I shall return soon with more joyful stuff to buy (leaves room in a huff!) - The title is of course ironic

...in which I watch Television

It's cold. After a very long shift at work, I was sitting , avec blanket in front of the TV ( I almost never watch anything as it's broadcast ) I decided to watch "The Aristocrats" which has been on the pvr for weeks . Well what can I say it was hilarious. Perfect for the crappy mood I was in ( actually that's the mood that I spend most of my time in ). I am not easily offended, and this movie didn't offend me, but it's not one to watch with Mom. I laughed and laughed and laughed (for some reason especially at the mime !)

I finally was able to buy American Gothic box set on DVD. It's one of those lost TV gems that at least had one full season (Firefly!) Like many of the best TV shows (The Avengers, The Prisoner, My name is Earl)it exists in a Universe of it's own, with it's own weird internal logic. It's eerie rather than scary and it's a crying shame that it never had a chance to develop (Firefly!).

Feeling better now?

Boy, that guy below needs to cheer up! Sorry for that self indulgence, are blogs meant to be cathartic? I suppose they are what you want them to be.

Let me recommend something cheerful. The Beiderbecke Trilogy, that marvellous 80's show , has just been re-released on DVD. Starring ex likely lad James Bolam (who although born in Sunderland, and starring in two of the most Iconic Geordie TV shows, namely "Whatever Happened To The Likely Lads" and "when the boat comes in", doesn't seem very fond of the North-East. - Beiderbecke is set in Leeds, practically the Midlands from where I sit!).
It's rather expensive at the moment, but as soon as it drops below £20 I shall have it! I just love the "matter of factness" of this show, the characters and the wit!

Humbug! sob sob

I don't really enjoy Christmas. I enjoying being with my daughter for a few hours ( she doesn't live with me) but I always volunteer to work on the 25th (likewise Christmans Eve, Boxing Day, New years Eve and New years Day)as Christmas is very lonely on your own . It must be 10 or more years since I felt any hint of a "Christmas spirit". I'm not a misanthrope, but Christmas just means crowded shops and over-indulgence, and hypocritically, wishing I had some presents - maybe I'm just depressed (you think?) - I'm certainly very lonely.

But Just to show you I do have some Human emotions, I watched The Elephant Man today, and found myself in tears. It is Lynch's most accessible film , and most Human. Many of us move in social circles that provide us with a veneer of safety. Merrick at the Theatre was safe , but when he stepped outside of that comfort zone into "reality" like at the railway station, that safety was ripped away like a curtain. ( Perspective - I was recently beaten in the street by 5 youths, I think it was because of my beard - reason enough for many!)
Wow - navel gazing, self pity and film reviews all in one post! maybe I should have thrown in a recipe?

A mundane coincidence

Well last night I was playing my newest DVD ( Old Grey Whistle Test Vol2) the first and only track I played was "Ladytron" by Roxy Music, very nice you might think, but my point follows. I switched off to watch Q.I. on BBC4 , and strangely the very same clip was playing (sounds of the 70's I think , strange eh? You'd think Cosmic Forces would have better things to do than arrange this wouldn't you ? how many random events had to occur, it had been delayed for weeks (from CD-WOW)but just happened to arrive yesterday.
(That explains my sudden burst of Ladytron tracks on Last FM then)

I highly recommend The OGWT DVDs. CD-WOW has them especially cheaply (that's why I bought 'em!)

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz....

I've just checked my weekly charts on Last FM. I fell asleep in front of the computer the other night (this is not an uncommon event) I was listening to Emo Phillips, and whilst I slept the track was repeating, now it's my most played track - oh dear (three other tracks in my top 10 are also sleep induced).
We all secretly want to look cool (to varying degrees). I find myself sometimes skipping music tracks so they don't appear on my charts,(although at other times I couldn't care less). Sometimes those guilty pleasures slip through (like the Lazytown soundtrack!!). I play most of my music at random using the marvellous mediamonkey, I really can't recommend this player enough. You know the urban myth about the ipod shuffle feature ( I don't own an ipod by the way, but apparently it tends to dwell on certain artists) well on shuffle mediamonkey seems to favour anything by Elvis and (rather bizarrely) the Soundtrack to UFO (great old Gerry Anderson show for you youngsters) out of the thousands of tracks available.

I wish 1980 had been like the above mentioned TV show. I'd have loved a nehru suit and gull winged door car (oh hang on I was too young to drive - honest)