" Those who can do, those who can't laugh at those who can do."

I don't want to get all evangelical, but some people are just not nice! There I've said it , let the civil unrest begin! Riots, street justice, the end of civilisation. Er... what do I mean? Well for whatever reason, some "people" take a delight in lying, being anti-social, stirring up trouble, back stabbing, spreading sedition, basically being bad sorts! I won't go into details as it was some recent patient activity that has set me on this course.

I don't expect group hugs, rainbows, unicorns and soft focus in the world, but at the risk of sounding like a grumpy old man, things were better in the old days. There seems to be a genuine degradation in simple politeness and thinking of others, and maybe it is my rose coloured time machine kicking in, but I don't remember it being like this when I was a lad! It was all fields round here... etc...etc....(fades away like an old soldier....)

In similar but lighter news : Something that really bugs me is the apparent bafflement I see in peoples faces when faced with technology or a gadget ( OK this may be my stereotypical male love of gadgets kicking in). When people in the old days proclaimed there frustration at programming their video recorders, up went my hands in a frustrated waving fashion type of movement. Most modern pieces of technology are designed as ergonomically and logically as possible. Open your mind and embrace the new! (says the man without a mobile phone, and a huge collection of VHS movies - thankfully now long since overtaken by DVDs , oh no I can't afford HD DVD or BLU RAY!!!!..... disappears ouruboros style)

“The difference between a bad artist and a good one is: The bad artist seems to copy a great deal; the good one really does.” - William Blake.

Heavens to Murgatroyd, exit stage left...

You know, I haven't really got enough stuff happening to post daily. After all there is only so much moaning one man can do (although I'm sure lot's of wives would disagree - I'm here all week folks!). So here's a stream of consciousness post...
I finally found out who the mystery blog reader was, it was my elusive brother. Unfortunately he didn't have time to give me a critical review, as he sped of into the distance - ho hum.

My last sibling to produce offspring, is going to do just that , so ... er... congratulations to my sister Brenda!

So much for global warming, I had to have my heating on today and it's almost July!

In good news :it's pay-day again already! Unfortunately, I'm like the Al Bundy (anyone?) of the direct debit, plus when my ex-wife gets her cheque (cheque ? - it's the 21st century baby!) then it's only the cartoon moths left in my wallet. But as long as there's enough left for some red wine and a few DVD's Billy is happy (in a relative sense at least). Probably for the best that I have no social life , I hear cash is involved!!!

(have I had this before? - no matter, it's still groovy!)

“Children are smarter than any of us. Know how I know that? I don't know one child with a full time job and children.” - Bill Hicks

“Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative.”

I couldn't sleep last night. I've been troubled with insomnia for a few years now. However the last month or so things have quite improved. Last night was a return to the bad old days. Of course I had a bottle of wine last night, and while that may be contributing to my headache (it usually doesn't) it more often than not sends me to sleep too - rearrange those preceding words into something coherent would ya' ?

Ironically Tuesday is my one guaranteed "lie-in" if I'm off (I usually am), as my ex wife takes our daughter to school on that day. So I got up at Seven (yes, my two regular, and most beloved readers, I know to you two seven is a lie in in itself, I apologise).
So I decided too open a few boxes, that have been lying in my bedroom, undisturbed, since I moved in (let me point out that the boxes I opened are few, not the number in the bedroom, as they resemble the final scene of "Raiders of the Lost Ark", you know the warehouse bit).
What did I discover? Well some of my elusive record collection (cassettes yesterday, records today, go ask your mother again!). This box in particular was like a time capsule from the early 80's. ABC , Culture Club, Human League, John Foxx, OMD, Fad Gadget, even Jane Wiedlin (conveniently soon after the go-go's video, but true) Albums, a "Dare" picture disc (really, go ask that mother of yours again, she seems to be something of an expert on arcane technology!). I had already located my "cooler" lp's last year. Oh now I feel tired, miserable, uncool and old, so old. Good morning Tuesday!

ps. By the way that's Jane Wiedlin above, not some random knickerless, 50's glamour art re-staged girl.

pps. it seems my ipod has conked out! damn! damn! damn! Now how can I wander the streets looking moody without a suitable soundtrack?

"Dr. Jones. Again we see there is nothing you can possess which I cannot take away!"

Shirley Manson will return

“One always speaks badly when one has nothing to say” (Voltaire)

Third times a charm! Yes Virgin Media engineer coming out again on Wednesday, perhaps I can rejoin you folks in the 21st century soon.

Went round to the yard (how romantic) to get the car for the school run this morning, only to find a squadron of incontinent seagulls had been let loose overnight. Yes my little car was covered in crap. Seagull poo seems to come in two varieties, black bits and white bits, let me tell you the former are more resilient. I believe this is the same material permanent markers are made from.

I am feeling very worthless, fat and pointless tonight. If it were not for Andrea's all too distant visit, I would have nothing to look forward too. Cry little baby cry!

...and continuing the excellently named "wavy armed" theme...

“His whole future seemed suddenly to be unrolled before him; and passing down its endless emptiness he saw the dwindling figure of a man to whom nothing was ever to happen.” - Edith Wharton

“The more you explain it, the more I don't understand it”

I am tapping this out in morse code (yes it really is that slow).
For some reason I decided to tidy up when I got in from work. How much drek, detritus and junk do I own, stuff that has no earthly reason to be in my possession. Why was I keeping rolls and rolls of bubble wrap?
Earlier I chucked out a whole stinking pile of cassette tapes (go ask your mother).
I have barely scratched the surface. The adventure has just begun. (disappears into stack of cardboard boxes - fade to black)

I defy you not to love this video - go on, I defy you!

“And oftentimes excusing of a fault doth make the fault the worse by the excuse.” - Billy Shakespeare

You Just Haven't Earned It Yet, Baby

It's amazing that I can actually post at all. Yes my broadband connection is now running at about the same speed as a second class letter.

I called Virgin "support" last might, I was on for about an hour, but I've been on as long as two in the past few weeks. From July 1st they are going to start charging 25p per bloody minute !!! Basically I'll have to pay through the nose, to tell them how crap there service is!! I long for the days before NTL were bought out!

Work was very pleasant today. I wasn't expecting this as there is usually a correlation between how sunny it is and how many admissions we get. Less illness in good weather it seems.

At least my broadband woes, mean I've made a tiny dent in my DVD backlog.

Never did discover the "real" identity of the "phantom blog reader", how mysterious.

This tape will self-destruct in five seconds. Good luck, Jim.

“It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop.” - Confucius

The Self Preservation Society...

Time for bed. The "mystery blog reader" did not reveal his identity, but life goes on. Long shift tomorrow, so don't expect an happy Billy in ..er, 21 hours(ish).

Today I have mostly been watching Seinfeld! (My all-time favourite sit-com)

“The final mystery is oneself.” - Oscar Wilde

" The Only reason I came back to this....crap house, is to find out who did it ! "

Someone has been reading a lot of my "back issues" today! Someone from an IP address not far from here!
I have my suspicions!

I'm still half asleep from doing night shift earlier this week. I spend my regular days half awake anyway, so that must make me only a quarter awake, I suppose.

In dull news - roadworks right at the end of my street means I have to take a rather circumbendibus route to get anywhere (in the car at least) , involving back alleys and crossing main roads, sewers etc. In a rather fanciful comparison it's like a one man "Italian job" but without the style, glamour, sixties grooviness, Michael Caine or Mini Coopers. (I have got a Fiat Panda though!)

In other Michael Caine news - I live relatively close to Gateshead, where the famed multi storey car park featured in "Get Carter" is located. I love this piece of film history. Unfortunately, it seems the Newcastle / Gateshead quayside trendiness factor has increased property prices so much, that it's likely to be pulled down and posh flats for people you love to hate, erected instead. Shame.

"You're a big man and your in bad shape, and for me it's a full time job. Now behave yourself "
(if you don't recognise this quote - never come back here!)

"I've driven women to lesbianism before but never to a mental institution"

I've just returned from my daughters school play (she's just gone 11 by the way). It was "Hansel and Gretel". We seem to forget that fairy tales started off as serious "adult" entertainment, in a pre-literate society, and now they are popularly regarded as kids stuff. Essentially this is a tale of child abuse, kidnapping and cannibalism (I hope that last sentence doesn't get me some dodgy site hits). The play was enjoyable, although I can't tell how much of that was due to to my daughter being in it, therefore affecting my judgement.

I am quite tall and arrived early, so sat quite near the front to get some good photo's (obligatory Dad behaviour!) . A couple sat down behind me and said, obviously loud enough for me to hear, we can't see anything here! Just one thing, short-arses (excuse me), arrive earlier! (I'm turning into George Costanza ! )

One of my all time favourite mash-ups!!! :

George: "My whole life has been a complete waste of time"
Jerry: "And there's so much more to go."

For well you know that it's a fool, Who plays it cool, By making his world, A little colder

Blimey, that's the longest I've gone between posts, like ever, I think. This was partially due to the abysmal connection speed, which gets worse on a daily basis. So called Virgin Media, whose telephone helpline is as impenetrable as Alcatraz is inescapable ! (and from July 1st they are set to charge 25p per minute for the helpline - I was once on for 2 hours with them, that's 30 of your earth quids!) - enough moaning.

The other reason is the hazy funk that sometimes falls over me, where I can't seem to get anything done (I have watched a lot of DVDs this week, a whole season of "UFO", and a whole load of Seinfeld episodes).

Lastly ,for now, I may be having a house guest soon, since I literally haven't had a visitor (except my daughter) for nearly two years! this is something of a momentous occasion!

“A guest never forgets the host who had treated him kindly” - Homer

Someone to watch over me

Someone out there is looking at this page! Even now eyes are reading these words, after all they are just meaningless squiggles otherwise. Getting "Socratic" for a second do these words exist when no one is reading them? ... and I haven't been drinking - honest!

I just wish "you people" would leave an occasional comment, my page statistics show the same people coming back to this page over and over, but I have no idea who you are. Oh no, "I think I'm paranoid"

This is my favourite new song at the moment, it's marvellous, and the Video is entertaining too gentle readers.

"I was once walking through the forest alone. A tree fell right in front of me -- and I didn't hear it." - Steven Wright

“Quotation is a serviceable substitute for wit.”

Hello! Just stopping by to say I'm still alive.
You know how dull my life is, well since I'm on holiday this week, I haven't even got Hospital life to draw on for vicarious fun.

I've had to "wait in" for the VirginMedia engineer again!
Even though I had absolutely NO plans for anything else today, other than the school run, I hate having to wait in for a caller, I wonder why? I feel trapped and restless!
Anyhow needless to say he said my set up is A-OK! and the problem is entirely Virgin's. I may get onto them later and ask for a discount, three months at dial up speeds (well nearly, OK not nearly) I might get a deal ?

Furthermore it is like a biblical flood outside (I suppose if it were inside I should really worry) - lovely holiday eh? excitement, glamour, romance - just three of the things I'm not having!

(Misery guts!)

“There are many things that we would throw away if we were not afraid that others might pick them up.” - Oscar Wilde

"Why are there no during pictures?"

I was browsing youtube and just had to post this first video. However I couldn't leave it all by itself now could I? I know it's just middle age speaking, but was pop music better then? It certainly seems less cynical and money driven, but again these are rose coloured glasses I'm looking through... (wanders off to a sixties girls daydream - ...er, that is a daydream ABOUT sixties girls, not the daydream OF a sixties girl... er bye, see you later!)









“You can't have a better tomorrow if you are thinking about yesterday all the time.”

"Roads? Where we're going we don't need roads."

I've just watched last night's Dr Who, the one about the "weeping angels". Am I alone in seeing the Back to the Future part III reference, plus a most excellent debt to Bill and Ted (you know the whole leaving objects in the future stuff in Bogus Journey). I have been tiring a little of David Tennants borderline "pantomime buffoonery" (of course I appreciate he is playing to at least two audiences), but this was the kind of Who stuff I remember from when I was a kid, eerie monsters, clever script, marvellous pacing and thankfully very few CGI moments, plus a genuine sense of loss and melancholy : a classic! Now I really really hope that John Simm does turn out to be the Master - groovy (I apologise for the lack of sarcasm and miserabilism, and the fanboy geeky overdose, but I have a week of and the sun is shining, well obviously not at 11pm, but metaphorically).


"I wrote my friend a letter with a highlighting pen, but he could not read it, he thought I was trying to show him certain parts of a piece of paper." - Mitch Hedberg

"That was non-non-non-non-non-NON-Heinous! "

Delightful weather today! It really lifts the spirits, but unfortunately it also brings everyone else out into the streets, you know who I mean! Yes it's Saturday, and my Daughter and I thought we'd walk into town as the weather was so lovely.
I keep forgetting though -
Saturday + Sun + town centre = invasion of the leisurewear
Yes we could hardly move for tribal tattoos, vests and three-quarter cargo shorts (which may look most excellent on a Californian beach bum, but most non- righteous on fat middle aged men) Sun out = shirts off, and not just the men alas!

"Do you know where there are any personages of historical significance around here? "

"I remixed a remix, it was back to normal"

Damn can't think of anything to rant about !
(yes I've had some wine, I know, I know). Interestingly, I didn't feel wretched today, for the first time in a long while. It's only the wine and the fact I'm typing here, that has reminded me of my relative absence of malice.

I was messing about with my myspace profile picture earlier, thought it was time for a change. So difficult to select one image to represent ourselves though. Are we ever only one person? We are a different person to our children, our partners (someone must have one?) our parents our friends (well obviously not me) and our colleagues. And do we only ever present one face to the world. Like my diatribe on bad hair days, our "look" can change from one moment to the next. You Ladies have even more options, what with cosmetics and stuff (oh dear lost my lucidity for a second there!), I'm afraid I haven't worn make up since I was a snake-hipped youth in the 80's! (no doubt a cheesy 80's youtube video will follow, just you see) ... at this point the author was led away by two nice young men in white tunics (no, not ice-cream men silly!)



(See! told you! - actually I love this song - really, in all sobriety!)

(btw thanks Andrea!)

"I put tape on the mirrors in my house so I don't accidentally walk through into another dimension" - Steven Wright

"I got food poisoning today. I don't know when I'll use it" (funny eh?)

Sent home from work again ! well kind of. When I got to work today I was amazed to see that there was actually seven of us on duty, seven is an abundance for my ward. We take all the emergency admissions, so it varies from busy to "oh my god, will it never end!". The biggest pressure we have is getting people in from A/E (that's the ER to our friends overseas) as due to ridiculous government rules, a bed must be found in a certain time frame, by hook or by crook! I could probably rant about this for an eternity, but back to my "story".
If we have plenty of staff on duty, inevitably the Matron will move one of us to another ward to help out (ironically - this usually puts is back in then er.. stuff) , so being a kindly soul, I volunteered to take one for the team, and took a days holiday. Ain't I great? my sacrifice means my colleagues won't be moved (which we all dread, I mean really dread - but that, as they say, is another story).

I love Client, I was going to post the Adam and the Ants original version too , but I can only link to it on youtube:

link to "Zerox" on youtube (obviously!)


"Sponges grow in the ocean. I wonder how much deeper they'd be if that didn't happen ?" - Steven Wright (of course)

"I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly"

Thanks Virgin Media!!!

The Internet is now almost unusable by me. It is slower everyday, the current speeds take me back to my first modem, way back in '94 (I'm so old!)

...and in other miserable news :

Pondering relationships tonight. Maybe it's good that I'm alone, I really don't think I have the resources (of any type). Tomorrow of course, I'll probably feel totally different, you know how I am!

Busy, busy day at work. For once I wasn't in charge, and as you might expect, after all that moaning, I kind of missed it - go figure!


"Why do they use sterile needles for lethal injections?" - Steven Wright (running out of quotes - real soon!)

"I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out"

Everyday is like Sunday!

Who are the people who make my hit counter go up? It reached 1000 today, but I only put it in about two months ago, Heaven knows how many hit's I had in the good old days (you know what I mean). I'm sure I push the counter up myself when I post, but someone else is lurking out there!
Who are you Damn it? (only joking there by the way - but I am curious)

Diarrhoea all gone now. Back to "normal".

I always think my teeth look pretty white, until I put shaving foam on my face (for a shave, not on a whim!) , and suddenly they turn yellow - ugh!

(just watched this - I love it)

(couldn't resist this, my all time favourite)

"The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread." - Steven Wright (I'm going to run out eventually!!)

"When I was 10, my pa told me never to talk to strangers. We haven't spoken since."

Some may find this distasteful, I don't in the slightest. I had to come home early from work today, four hours into my shift. Why, a sudden onset of diarrhoea and stomach cramps. Since I've been on my days off the past three days, it's unlikely that I picked it up there, so before I could contaminate the patients, I was carted off home. I won't go into any further scatological details.

I have a google alert set up, so that every time a new web page or blog entry appears out there, mentioning Shirley Manson I get an e-mail. Usually when I mention Miss M here I get an alert mentioning my own page ( nice eh?), but despite about six mentions in yesterdays post - nothing, niet, nada etc - ho hum.

The Weather in the North East today was wonderful, hot and sunny. Hang on remember the days when I used to call myself a Curmudgeon, and Claire would complain? Why has that suddenly occurred to me? Senility arrived at last? That last point will - like my bed -have to remain unmade.

"I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it." - Steven Wright