A quick reply to Belfast.I wrote that last post in anger, which thankfully faded, and this morning feels like nothing more a bad dream.
I do understand that teenage years are difficult and an exercise in testing boundaries, essentially deciding what kind of adult you are going to become. I wonder if I'd had a little (or some) guidance , maybe I would be a mite more acceptable today. My Parents style was to ignore me and hope for the best.
Back to my somewhat nebulous point, what was it?
I was upset most by the quality of my interactions with Billie rather than the quantity. If I'm only to see her for literally a couple of hours a week, I'd rather not have 90% of that spent watching the top of her head behind a laptop.
(slightly later) Thinking about it for a moment, maybe just being in each others vicinity is enough.
I know most parents have the same experiences, but we have to be allowed to make our own mistakes, (you've seen that first hand) we either learn from them and grow, or carry on unchanged. Teenagers are arrogant enough to think that they are experiencing everything for the first time, I was simply channeling that!
Some of what I write here is tongue in cheek, honestly, but only some. It's a catharsis writing down all my most negative thoughts, a bit like Dorian Gray if you will. Furthermore the late night postings always seem to be little more bitter than the morning ones (ie anything after 4am, for those that remember my insomniac posting days).
Finally, and no sarcasm intended, It's good to 'hear' from you mystery poster, a genuine surprise, and a pleasant one. Your advice was most welcome.
I should move on, but sometimes (especially for me) it's easier to hang on to a shred of an idyllic past (even if it was only remembered thus) , than move on to an uncertain and frankly scarily empty future.
Nice to end on an upbeat note (one day maybe, one day)...
1 comment:
Have to say that i understand everything that you have written about your relationship with your parents. I do recall being in the same room as you and your dad and it was a little strained at times. In saying that i also saw the closeness between you and your daughter, and i have to say that it was lovely to see the two of you so comfortable in one another's company.
I know this blog is a way of letting off steam for you, but i just felt your posts were a little more down of late and just felt the need to say something.
We all hold on to bits of our past. You know that of me too concerning my ex, but thankfully i moved on. Visiting you helped me do that believe it or not, that and the fact he's been away in Afghanistan for most of this year has given me a wee bit of peace.
I still pop in here from time to time to see how my old pal is getting on, and i suppose like most pals you just wish for them the best. We're all only human and we all make mistakes. You're a great dad and Billie is a credit to you.
I hope erverything else sorts itself out for you too.
Take care
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