"Maintiens Le Droit"Let the rambling commence:
I am very drunk! A full bottle of wine, combined with a lack of food , lots of painkillers and the tail end of a cold I suppose. (plus a desire to be drunk, the power of subconscious desires is something I will never underestimate).
I've nothing to say really, (well I have of course but nothing of any consequence) but something about the alcohol, it either sends me deeper into what we can only call depression, or makes me want to reach out. Reach out to what, or rather who (whom?)
I've just watched (in one go!) the entire run (a whopping three episodes) of the BBCs take on "Wallander" the famed Swedish detective. I enjoyed this show so much, I'm not really one for this genre (Save 'Dexter' and 'Life' of course), but this was supremely well done. Kenneth Branagh was a revelation in this role, not the luvvy I usually associate with him, but a real , imperfect human being. Strangely I really connected with the lead character. Maybe something about a flawed, unhealthy, depressed, socially isolated, middle aged 'hero' clicked with me.
Southern Sweden is a revelation too, just enough is familiar to ground it, but the landscape is beautiful in its 'splendid isolation'. Sweden eh? Plus the way it is photographed gives the whole piece the air of a lucid dream, or more correctly nightmare, given the subject matter.
Anyway enough TV reviewing
"But today there is no day or night
Today there is no dark or light.
Today there is no black or white,
Only shades of gray."
I continue to feel incredibly removed and out of sync with the rest of the world. Maybe getting back to work on Christmas Day may ground me, but at the moment I feel like I could vanish from existence, like a candle flame between thumb and finger, and the world would continue without anyone even noticing - Oh that's rather pathetic isn't it, even by my own (admittedly very low) standards.
Oh Mr.Physio had a look at my other (injured as opposed to just old) arm today, he says it will get better, eventually. It's still keeping me awake, but it's only for a month or two eh?
It's my Brothers birthday on Christmas Eve (and Mams on Christmas Day), so I will only be 1 year older than him until my Birthday comes around next year, I feel so youthful (I don't) ! Birthdays, birthdays, birthdays ! (did anyone spot that birthday playlist? sadly I didn't have a very good selection of appropriate songs)
I may have mentioned this already (but you probably picked up that I'm not thinking in a very linear fashion) but I'm only going to see Billie for about an hour on Christmas Day. Hopefully I shall finish work around three (hopefully) but she has to be back 'home' for four thirty. Whilst in the grand scheme of the cosmos this is pretty insignificant, in a life where the opening of a packet is a relatively major life event, this is quite important to me. I won't even get time to mess around with her present (no surprises spoilt, she already knows what it is).
The room is spinning, and the spirit of Christmas past wants a chat. Bye for now, and despite all my protestations to the contrary, have a lovely Christmas...
“When a finger points to the moon, the imbecile looks at the finger”- Another Chinese Proverb
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