“Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.” - Philip K Dick

What a totally forgettable Christmastime.
I was at work Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. I had a terrible cold, so food tasted like cotton wool, and it was all I could do to drag my bloated cadaver from place to place.
By the time I got to my Mams on Christmas Day the rest of my family had been and gone, Billie was so visibly bored she wanted to go home after 90 minutes (who can blame her?), and that's pretty much all I've seen of her.

Joy to the world eh?

I'm also at work New Years Eve and Day, but I don't mind that as New Year has never appealed, for obvious reasons.

I still feel a little rough, both mentally an physically.
When my parents are gone, and Billie is off at University (ie next bloomin' year), apart from work, what will I do with my time? What contact will I have with humankind?
Could one man be any more bored or boring?

New Years resolution, do some bloody exercise! Please !

Pieces Of A Man from yakkowarner on 8tracks Radio.

“A sure way to lose happiness, I found, is to want it at the expense of everything else” - Bette Davis

 

“As you get older, the pickings get slimmer, but the people don't” - Carrie fisher

I've been on 'holiday' this week. I've never been so bored.

I've got up at a reasonable time everyday, but by mid morning Monday I was already bored. I even offered to do overtime at work, for goodness sake!

It's been a struggle to resist getting drunk every night, there's not much else to do of a lonely evening.

I don't really like Christmas, it's just a reminder of all the normal stuff I don't have access to, or don't care about. But I've got my Christmas tree out for the first time in years (who knows why), even though no one will see it but me.
Sadly I'm working Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, and Billie is otherwise engaged.

Bah Humbug...

Zzz...Zzz...Zzz... from yakkowarner on 8tracks Radio.

“Instant gratification takes too long.” - Carrie Fisher

 

“Lonely men seek companionship. Lonely women sit at home and wait. They never meet.” - Abraham Lincoln

I suppose I should at least make one appearance a month, so here it is.

I had to officially put my notice in. I've never done this before in 25 years of Nursing, so it felt a little momentous (by definition).

I shouldn't really talk about work in detail, but let's simply say that there has never been a better time to leave. But this new job is so scary...

I'm still without chemical support for my state of mind, about six weeks now. I still get the occasional woozy feeling, but I feel quite well. I still have negative feelings of course, but these don't stop me in my tracks like they used too.

This week we had the ward Christmas night out (also known as my one night out of the year). I drank a lot of wine, and didn't embarrass my self, and walked home, in for 11pm (so a success I think).

At this time of year it's easy to let loneliness overwhelm you. If it were not for Fatherly duties (ie lifts) I would hardly leave the house, except to visit my increasingly elderly parents (isn't everyone who ever lived increasingly elderly?). I've even toyed with the idea of dating sites, but the actual reality of it terrifies me to honest. As Bill Hicks said,

“It's always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's just hilarious.” 

Yule be sorry... from yakkowarner on 8tracks Radio.

“There is no problem so big it cannot be run away from.” - Charles M Schulz

For a while I forgot about this blog. There was a time when I'd "write" something almost daily. sadly that was a very long time ago, and I was very happy back then. Make of that what you will.

It's almost a month since we got back from holiday, and this time it took about a week before any noticeable 'holiday blues' hit me. That feelings almost completely gone, although of course I can't imagine anyone would stop missing huge portions and seemingly endless shopping.

I felt so well when I got back that I forgot for a few days to take my antidepressant, and somehow that few days became three weeks. not the recommended method, but I still feel relatively upbeat (at least by my own standards).

I had an interview two weeks ago today, for a Nurse Practitioner Job. I can't believe I didn't mention that sooner, for despite nature and common sense (plus the lack of chemical help) I got the job. I'm terrified, and a little bit excited. Thankfully I don't start until January.

Eventually there will be a bit more money, but the job in responsibility is enormous. Let's see how this pans out eh?

Little else to say, oh my leaking roof is finally fixed! It cost me £1000, but when the leak spread to my living room ceiling, I knew I couldn't procrastinate any longer, and believe me I'm a world class expert...

I Think It's Going To Rain Today from yakkowarner on 8tracks Radio.

“I think I've discovered the secret of life - you just hang around until you get used to it.”

“Why are there no during pictures.” - Mitch Hedberg

 It's me, remember me?
Anyone?

Nevertheless, here I am , returned from holiday, and about to return to work.
Needless to say (so why say it?) We had a lovely time on holiday. The whole Orlando thing is getting a bit tiring for someone of my age and shape. I suspect it'll be a very long time, if ever before I return. I really wanted to try something different, but Billie wanted one last visit before she starts university next year. It was just so darned expensive, but of course completely worth it. We missed out on some classic rides/destinations, but there simply isn't enough time, and it's so incredibly tiring, lots of walking, and temperatures of 30 degrees, even as late as Halloween.

There was a little diva behaviour from Billie, but far far less than last time. The biggest problems were probably the occasional wrong exit by me when driving, whose ipod to play in the car, and where to eat.

Billie is quite the shopper, lots of clothes were purchased (by her, not me).

We saw "Gravity" on a proper (not those tiny multiplex versions) five storey IMAX screen, and in wonderful 3d (it's usually too dark for me). A fabulous film and technically amazing. The auditorium must have held about 1000 people, and there were about 20 people in the audience.

I haven't hit the emotional lows that I've felt on returning from previous holidays, but this time I'm chemically assisted of course.

My roof is still leaking (that's not a metaphor by the way) so I really must get that sorted out.

Back at work tomorrow, what disasters await me there?

It's Grim Up North... from yakkowarner on 8tracks Radio.

“I think Bigfoot is blurry, that's the problem. There's a large out-of-focus monster roaming the countryside.”

Well I didn't get the job, someone a lot younger did. I don't resent them , I'm just disappointed in myself really. apparently everybody did quite badly, just some less so than others. So be it.

Mini disaster #1 I had to come home sick from work on Saturday. Stomach/chest pains of all things.
Mini disaster #2 , later that night discovered my boiler is leaking, thankfully I've been paying for boiler cover for bloody years, and thankfully never needed it, until now.

These two things, combined with an abortive attempt to wean myself of antidepressants, led to a most miserable and unenjoyable weekend (duh). Yesterday things seemed almost as dark as they were at my very very worst.
I was quite glad to get back to work today , fixed with antacids and fluoxetine! It was pleasing to see that the few colleagues I have left were worried and concerned at my brief absence (although my cynical side suspects they thought I'd gone nuts again!)

In very trivial matters, the series finale of Dexter was terrible, in fact ludicrous. However the finale of Breaking Bad was the polar opposite, superlative, wonderful television, good riddance lumberjack Dexter, goodbye Mr. White...

“To succeed in life, you need two things: ignorance and confidence.” - Mark Twain

Blimey ! I didn't realise it was so long since the last post (fanfare?).
Since then the weather has gone from hot to peri-winter, I had to put the central heating on last night for goodness sake!

Mini disaster #1 bedroom window leaking after rainstorm. I had/have a collection of jars, bottles and buckets to collect the water!

Mini disaster #2 , I messed up my interview, big time! Once again I put all my time into the presentation, which I thought went well, and fell flat on a couple of questions I didn't research. I won't hear for several more days, but I'm far from confident (very far indeed, over the border and well into negative).
I'm really not that bothered to be absolutely honest. A little increase in salary and status would be nice, but I can retire in 7 years dagnabit!

I attended the inquest yesterday. I have previously attended and based my expectations on that. Yesterday although obviously sad and tragic, was over in a little over 4 hours, as opposed to the five days of the earlier inquest. I only spoke for around 15 minutes, last time it was over 45.

In good news we are off to Orlando in four weeks. I still have no spending money or attraction tickets, but the holiday itself is all paid for, and it's payday next week.

Speaking of spending money, and I am, I came very close to buying the new GTA game tonight, but apart from the expense, the last thing I need is another way of wasting time, and from the sound of it the game sounds like a mega time thief.

We've only a few weeks left before what's left of my old ward is absorbed into a new unit. I'll miss it all, but who knows (actually pretty much everybody) the new situation may be wonderful...

questions? from yakkowarner on 8tracks Radio.

 

“Whatever you say, say it with conviction”

 

 

“Adults are just obsolete children and the hell with them.” - Dr Seuss

Still no news regarding an interview...
Then in a most roundabout way I find out that if they do indeed happen, it'll be much later than planned. Way to go, chain of command.

Did I mention I have another two, TWO, inquests coming up in the next few weeks! 

Can you imagine how stressed little ol' me is? Well can you punk?


(ps. in a return to classic theme of old, I went for a haircut yesterday, and it's truly dreadful. I've spent most of the past 24 hours willing it to grow out slightly faster...)

Thinking of you... from yakkowarner on 8tracks Radio.

“What fun is it being cool if you can't wear a sombrero” - Calvin & Hobbes

“What makes old age hard to bear is not the failing of one's faculties, mental and physical, but the burden of one's memories” - William Somerset Maugham

Hello there.

My interest in "blogging" is waning, but you probably guessed that. Posts are less frequent, and blander and blander than ever.

Next week hopefully I'll have a job interview. More on that at a later date, In all its potentially ungory detail.

A couple of weeks ago Billie suddenly, out of the blue wanted to go to York, to do some holiday shopping. So £30 of petrol later, We bought nothing.
However I did twist my ankle rather badly. I simply went over it, and fell into the road, near Marks and Spencers, if that's of any interest.
Heaven knows how I managed to drive home. It was swollen and bruised for days, and still still hurts. my main annoyance is rather than my already shot right ankle it was my relatively pristine left, I'm so old...

Billie has been in Tenerife for well over a week, with only one brief message in that time, I'm reflecting on just how alone I am in the world. When she goes to University next year, I shall be so bored (even more than today? is that even possible?), and lonely, well let's worry about that then shall we?
I'm on holiday for a week, and 3 days into it I am so bored, I cannot describe the tedium.  (well I could but that would be even more tedious).
I've therefore had even more sparetime than usual.

All alone, all weekend, I watched virtually all of Season 6 on "True Blood" in one go, and you know what? it was actually pretty good, preposterous of course, but fun.
"Breaking Bad" continues to excel, but "Dexter" has jumped the proverbial shark, goodbye old friend.
I watched "The life and death of Colonel Blimp" and blu-ray last night, whay a wonderful, sentimental, but surprisingly modern film. That means of course I must watch "A matter of life and death" very soon.

I've been so tired and sleepy recently, then a few days ago I started taking my antidepressants at night and wham bam, I'm sleeping all night, and awake during the day.

Only seven weeks until we go to Florida, and thankfully, after five long weeks, it's finally payday this week, here's hoping...

My name is trouble... from yakkowarner on 8tracks Radio.

“Everything's got a moral, if only you can find it.” - Lewis Carroll

It can't be bargained with. 
It can't be reasoned with. 
It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. 
And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are dead...

“Life stinks, but that doesn't mean you don't enjoy it” - Dustin Hoffman

As you probably guessed my lack of posting was simply due to my lack of having anything to write. I have and continue to be quite unwell, at least mentally, but what else is new?

Billie and I are off to Florida in October. I've paid for the holiday itself, but heaven knows how I'm going to afford the tickets, spending money et al...

I've applied for a new job, of sorts. Junior charge Nurse on the new assessment unit to be, I can do it for sure, but will I even get an interview? stay tuned.

Since last we met, I've watched the whole first season of "Orphan Black" and loved it. I've given up on True Blood Season 6 after two episodes, I'll catch up one day I imagine.

I wish I had more to say, but alas a duller life you'll never come across. Much wine has been drunk , and pizza consumed, but not a lot of life has been lived...

I Can Dream, Can't I? from yakkowarner on 8tracks Radio.

“If you look for the bad in people expecting to find it, you surely will.” - Abraham Lincoln 

Breaking the 4th Wall Movie Supercut from Leigh Singer on Vimeo.

“Good taste is better than bad taste but bad taste is better than no taste” - Arnold Bennett

Oh deary me, tonight you find me very very very intoxicated, if you were here there would be no question I would not answer openly and honestly, but you're not, so ya boo sucks...

Somehow for three consecutive days I forgot my antidepressants, and all it's reminded me is how messed up I am, I feel quite quite awful. I really cannot face the end of my medication, but end it must, I suppose.

I haven't seen Billie in well over a week, how  I miss her. She was away at Tea in the Park  , near Glasgow, for several days, her first music festival.
Whilst super groovy for her, miserable for old Dad. It means I haven't spoke to anyone who's not me for very much quite a while, and to be honest, I'm quite sick of the sound of my own (thankfully still internal) voice.

Work continues to implode. Busier and busier, busier and busier, plus the inevitable collapse of my familiar routine. Don't get me wrong, I haven't felt this wretched in quite the longest of times.

I'm trying to think of an upside, er, nothing, nothing....

Be seeing you?

I can't make you love me... from yakkowarner on 8tracks Radio.

“Yesterday is ashes; tomorrow wood. Only today the fire shines brightly” - Eskimo Proverb

“There is not enough time to do all the nothing we want to do.” - Bill Watterson

I just can't seem to get properly drunk anymore. A bottle of wine tonight and all I feel is pensive. I dread stopping the anti-depressants, as someday soon I must.

Work is in such a turmoil, all is change, and sadly not for the good. Plus I have to attend a second inquest soon, I hope the coroner doesn't recognise me!

On the upside I have about half the money saved for another trip to Florida with Billie. We both acknowledge that this will probably be the last holiday we have together, probably forever, so hang the expense, i have a new passport and a credit card, let's go for it (in October).

I'm so very bored, but of course the tablets keep petty worries at bay, but I'd like someone to talk to that isn't me or you. If that someone was a lady, even more interesting, but of course this will never be.
 

Regrets? I've had a few... from yakkowarner on 8tracks Radio.

“I believe in luck: how else can you explain the success of those you dislike?” - Jean Cocteau

Best text ever received...

“From now on, ending a sentence with a preposition is something up with which I will not put” - Winston Churchill

Hello whoever you are, or aren't , if you even exist. It's been bloody ages. There were several posts that will remain drafts only, never to be "published", mostly because they were self indulgent self pitying crap.

Here we go.

First the good, Billie and I are getting along famously, this is not a new development, just something I'm really pleased about. she's the focus I need in life and my proudest achievement (although to be honest there are few rivals).
She made me a lovely cake for fathers day (see below)

Work is descending into something akin to a hell. Sometimes my job is the best in the world, these times are scarce however. More often than not work is a morass of red tape, shoutyness and general misery. Things should slowly improve, but the NHS seems to buck this natural evolution and gradually get worse. There's more to do and less to do it with. I limped home from work today, physically and emotionally wrecked, only pharmaceuticals propping me up.


I'm so bored, but thankfully not despondent.


The merger is inevitable, we will effectively cease to exist. The few survivors engulfed and absorbed.
13 years and then oblivion, what a sad end for what was probably the best ward in the hospital.

Frivolousness - I watched and loved all two seasons of "Person Of Interest", I can't decide whether to watch the new season of "True Blood" (bloody faeries) and the "Mad Men" finale was flawed but majestic; poor poor Don Draper....

"This is no dream! This is really happening!" from yakkowarner on 8tracks Radio.

“Laughter is not at all a bad beginning for a friendship, and it is far the best ending for one.” - Oscar Wilde

 

 

 

 

I Can Dream, Can't I? from yakkowarner on 8tracks Radio.

“Children begin by loving their parents; as they grow older they judge them; sometimes, they forgive them” - Oscar Wilde

Well hello abso' bloomin' lutely no one.

Much time has passed, and our hero finds himself completely where you left him, bored bu t not despondent. Well actually the past week or so, a little niggling doubt has crept in, maybe the efficacy of the medication is wearing out, I really really hope not, I've enjoyed the last couple of months of feeling okay.

I had a couple of day in mufti. A major software upgrade at work, and somehow, defying all logic, I was deemed a "superuser" what a misnomer, but someone thought I was up to it. Anyway it was strangely gratifying to be an observer on my own ward, what a lot of crap we have to put up with , both literally and figuratively.

I'm feeling really really happy about my relationship with Billie. I seem to genuinely matter to her, and she seems to value my input now and again. I wish we could have more time together, but be thankful for what you've got I suppose.


I've hardly watched any movies recently, I've been enjoying the 70's pleasures of "Macmillan and Wife" and only just discovered "Person of Interest". On a payday whim I bought the first season on blu-ray, and after 5 episodes, "I'm lovin' it"...

Old Man from yakkowarner on 8tracks Radio.

“Stranger, if you passing meet me and desire to speak to me, why should you not speak to me? And why should I not speak to you?” - Walt Whitman

“They ended as all great passions do end-----by a misunderstanding...” - Honore de Balzac

Nothing has continued to happen, I just thought 9 days was a long time without comment.

How can a life be so dull eh? The medication stops me lapsing into complete despondent self pity, but I still have a memory of how awful it was/is.
I simultaneously feel lonely and afraid of friendship. I'm just a bit to lazy and misanthropic to entertain friendship or even romance. Or maybe this is just a self deluding fantasy, after all who would want me?

Amazingly I forgot to mention that I had all my hair (accidentally) cut off. It was really really long, and I went for a trim, but ended up losing nearly all of it. I've had lots and lots of people commenting kindly to me, but I miss the old shaggier me to be honest.

I was very disappointed with the new Star Trek movie. Apart from the most obvious twist ever, it just didn't feel as coherent as the first which I loved. It has many a good scene and some funny nods to the series of old, but something was missing, and some plot hole the size of the grand canyon. but who cares what I think?

For some reason last week I finally got around to my "Macmillan and Wife" DVD box sets. The glorious combination of nostalgia, San Francisco and Susan St. James is intoxicating...

Mackems and Geordies from yakkowarner on 8tracks Radio.

“Life cannot go on without much forgetting.”

“I never fall apart because I never fall together.” - Andy Warhol

A strange couple of weeks since last we met.

This week was Billies 17th Birthday, work meant I didn't get to actually see her till Thursday, long after her actual birthday. It's incredible that she's 17, really, where did the time go?
At least she's turned out a strong, unique and intrinsically good person, I could die happy with that thought.

Last week the announcement we were all dreading, namely we were to be interviewed for our own jobs, the losing two moved to another ward, unless someone volunteered.

Last weekend I tried to write a few notes as to why I was good for the ward, and should keep my current job. Needless to say I struggled.

But then completely by surprise two of my longest standing colleagues volunteered and as quickly as the notion of interviews had arisen, it was gone. Relieved but very very sad to see my two long term work friends, both of 12 years, gone (or at least going).

The ward closes completely this Autumn, so us few survivors will have to face being incorporated into something new, and as yet still nebulous. But one worry at a time, eh?

Speaking of "worry" my CBT fizzled out after four sessions. My practitioner went on holiday and left it to me to arrange the next appointment, somehow I never did and the longer I left it the more of a problem it became.
I'm useless at everything.

I genuinely did learn a few good tactics for coping with my anxiety though, and I've read around the subject since. I recently missed my medication for a couple of days, due to long shifts at work and a bad memory, and whether it was placebo or suggestion, I could feel the old gloom and anxieties beginning to resurface. I dread the day I have to stop the medication...

Thinking of you... from yakkowarner on 8tracks Radio.

“We are masters of the unsaid words, but slaves of those we let slip out” - Winston Churchill

“It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.” - George Burns

You find me slightly drunk , and more than slightly worried.

Firstly - the good stuff. My Birthday was on Tuesday (that's not the good stuff) and after finishing work, Billie and I had a lovely meal, then went to See "Iron Man 3" (best of the bunch, and so gosh darn funny!).

Today at yet ANOTHER meeting at work, we were all told that we have to be interviewed for our own jobs, and next week to boot!
Let the fretting commence...

“Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday”

So very bored. Things could be worse I suppose.
Our ward is to definitely close at the end of August, so there's that to worry about.

It's my birthday next week, so there's that too. I'm not really concerned about it, just hyper aware that we only have a finite stay, and I've already wasted so much of it.

Nothing else to say today...

“I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity.” - Edgar Allan Poe

Some horrible days at work. Then news that my ward is to finally close, and for good! I'm not sure what I'll be doing come September, sadly that's what all my colleagues are thinking too, once again all our futures are uncertain, needless to say this has raised my anxiety levels somewhat.

In other (good) news , Billie finally got to meet one of her One Direction Idols, good old Harry Styles. It was great to see her so happy and as she would say, buzzing!

I could really do with a good chat, with a good friend, I believe this is what other people do...

Fathers And Daughters... from yakkowarner on 8tracks Radio.

“I grew up in the 70s, when the careers advisor used to come to school, and he used to get the kids together and say, 'Look, I advise you to get a career, what can I say? That's it.'” - Eddie Izzard

 

“I've often said, the only thing standing between me and greatness is me” - Woody Allen

I suppose even the most well adjusted folks can't feel great every day. I've been feeling a bit "off" the past few days. Not despondent as was, but not great, far from it.

I'm continuously exhausted, I mean really really tired. I could sleep all day given half a chance. On my days off it's been 11.30 - 12.00 before I've crawled upright into the semi-lit hovel around me.

I was supposed to get a haircut today, I didn't (I was asleep). Consequently I look like the wild man of Borneo's slightly wilder brother, but with an handlebar moustache, go figure...

Nothing much of importance to report, for as always nothing much has happened. I've got a long stretch at work ahead due to some simple bad luck. but hey, at least it will keep me away from the wine eh?

Thank goodness for the new Season of "Mad Men" and "Game Of Thrones" (my doesn't Northern Ireland look beautiful?)

Mighty fine shindig from yakkowarner on 8tracks Radio.

“There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more.”

“I only go out to get me a fresh appetite for being alone.” - Lord Byron

I'm feeling better today than I've felt in years. I'm putting it all down to medication, but who cares what the cause is, let's just enjoy it. The only downside is I feel tired, nay exhauseted, all the time. I fall asleep pretty much anywhere and everywhere.

I'm still selfish and lazy, but I feel, while not quite happy, well I've been smiling a lot more than I used too.

Nothing continues to happen, but that doesn't seem to bother me as much as it used to.

My relationship with my Daughter seems to be remarkably good recently, we really get along, we are as different as the proverbial chalk and its milky friend, but that doesn't seem to matter anymore. she's been to see her beloved One Direction twice this week, and it's been wonderful to see her so upbeat and excited. I really don't know what I'd do without her.

New Game Of Thrones and Mad Men this week, along with Breaking bad, they are the triumvirate of TV excellence. Spoiler - I was very disappointed with Mr Drapers behaviour at the end of 6.02, I didn't see that coming...


Dare I say it but some romance would be most welcome. Maybe that isn't a good idea, it never turns out well, not even in TV it seems...

Yakkowarner's a miserable sod ! from yakkowarner on 8tracks Radio.

“When one is in love, one always begins by deceiving ones self, and one always ends by deceiving others. That is what world calls a romance.” - Oscar Wilde

“The greater the obstacle, the more glory in overcoming it.” - Moliere

Well where have I been eh? Off having some romantic adventure?
Sadly not.
I've just been bored, but thankfully not despondent, far from it.

This medication has me as carefree as I've been for many a year, I dread it stopping. My CBT appointments, although far from enjoyable have had me examining the deepest parts of my so called psyche. I can start to see patterns and behaviours that have been holding me back for years, if not a lifetime. I hope I can change.

I'm coming to the end of two weeks holiday, and to be honest I've missed work. It's not a bad job, and I work with some great folks, did I really say that?

I've done nothing of note, but I feel really quite relaxed. Mostly I've been ferrying Billie between various engagements, It's nice to be useful.
And I've watched a lot of films, a lot!

I bought a lovely new Google Nexus phone, the old Dell simply bit the dust. I wish I had more to do with it though, if only it rang once in a while...

I'll Remember April... from yakkowarner on 8tracks Radio.

“One should examine oneself for a very long time before thinking of condemning others” - Moliere

"Go. Sleep badly. Any questions, hesitate to call." *

It's Monday morning! I'm on holiday! Sadly all that means is I'll have to use the central heating more, sad face.

The medication has done wonderful things for my mood. So much so in fact that I'm worrying about stopping it, I know it's only a short term solution. I still feel down and worry, but the bouncing ball effect has been lessened dramatically, and thankfully the despair and hopelessness has all but gone, for now.

I've had a couple of CBT phone appointments. Anticipating them actually made me feel more anxious, especially the first one. I can see how it will help, but I'm so set in my negative ways will it work for me?

There's something awfully wrong with me after all, beyond the blindingly obvious I mean. I think it's simply misanthropy and laziness, but I actively shy away from any form of social contact, I even worry about answering the door or waiting in for deliveries. As I've said before I'm essentially a hermit who has to go to work to pay for the upkeep of his cave.

It's so cold, but the north east has been lucky and the worst of the weather has missed us. The Scottish borders aren't far, and poor Northern Ireland is suffering badly, my sympathies.
Moaning about the weather, the supreme British stereotype!

Regrets? I've had a few... from yakkowarner on 8tracks Radio.

*from "kiss kiss bang bang" my recent viewing pleasure

“I don't know, I don't care, and it doesn't make any difference!” - Albert Einstein

I had a lovely text from my beloved Daughter last night. It's made me smile for hours, no small feat, believe me.

We've had the quietest weekend ever at work, if it goes on like this we'll ALL be out of a job.

On a whim, I watched "The Lake House" tonight, never seen it before. It was illogical and insipid, but I really really liked it. Ego boosting fact - both the lead actors are actually older than me, and Sandra Bullock gets more beautiful with age.

Also finally got around to watching "Bande à part" which was wonderful!!!

Be seeing you... 

 

Bad Bad Woman... from yakkowarner on 8tracks Radio.

“Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning.”

 

“The best thing to hold onto in life is each other.” - Audrey Hepburn

I've nothing much to say, but what else is new?

Billie was so very upset yesterday. She's having problems with her Mam, and my heart bleeds to hear the sadness in her voice.
I heard my phone ringing, as I walked into the changing room at work yesterday, unusual in itself, and I ended up talking to her for half an hour vainly trying to understand what she was saying between sobs. Whether what she says is true or just her teenage perception of events, I have to side with her, she's my raison d'etre. I felt so powerless, what could I do but listen? I spoke to her today and she seems a little happier, thank goodness. What an awful parent I am...

Speaking of changing rooms, I got my new uniforms last week. I'm a vision in powder blue scrubs. Apart from a lack of pockets and a draw string waist, they are tolerable, but I miss the old uniforms already. Due to my habitus, I've resorted to wearing braces under the scrub top. Hilarious!

I had my first CBT appointment over the phone today. The anticipation of which ironically made me more anxious than I've felt in weeks. I've homework for next week!

Goodbye to love... from yakkowarner on 8tracks Radio.

“The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.” - Mark Twain

“In examinations, the foolish ask questions the wise cannot answer.” - Oscar Wilde

Hello, is it me you're looking for? Probably not.

Anyway, the inquest last week.

It's over, for now. I was scared, very much so, and I was only a witness by the way, not accused of anything.

But I'm the type of person who passes a Police Officer in the street, and feels guilty, for no apparent reason.

There were all the expected accouterments one expects from TV and films, microphones, a jug of water, a witness stand so on and so forth.

By all accounts I did very well, my Charge Nurse shook my hand and said he was proud of me, the Chief Matron held my hand. The funny thing is I can hardly remember what I said. I was questioned for about 40 minutes apparently, it felt like seconds! Go figure...

I wore a suit and tie for the first time in about 20 years (bought especially), I picked up Billie afterwards for tea, she said I looked like a gangster.

I feel awful today, a combination of the essence stripping medication and two 13 hour shifts back to back. I'm too old for this kind of thing.

Work ,after a brief honeymoon period on the "new" ward, is becoming increasingly busy. The reduced staffing numbers are problematic, as is friction with the ward we partially occupy. Plus I and my colleagues seem to be suffering a kind of "survivors guilt" for the five members of staff who were left behind. I really feel bad for them...

Born to lose... from yakkowarner on 8tracks Radio.

“Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong.”