Belle de jour!

Fanboy alert :

That title was a joke, I certainly haven't had a beautiful day, although it was rather sunny, but the sun rarely reaches me here.

One thing I did enjoy today is the new Garbage song "tell me where it hurts". It's been circulating on the Internet for a few weeks, but at last a semi-decent copy has shown up on youtube (of course I've got a better one saved to disc!).
Shirley Manson has always idolised Chrissie Hynde, ("special" even used Pretenders lyrics, with permission of course). The new Garbage single is perhaps the best song the Pretenders never recorded (no it's not a cover, I was being sarcastic) but of course in my world, blessed Shirley can do no wrong. It really is a great pop song though.

The video has a few other "interesting" points. I finally get to see Shirley Manson in full Sixties "Dolly Bird" mode (swoons) plus she spends a lot of time in her underwear!

The video appears to be an "homage" (ie blatant rip off) to "Belle de Jour" the 1967 (my dream year) Catherine Deneuve film, in which she plays a bored housewife who turns to prostitution for kicks.

Did I mention she spends a lot of time in her underwear?

Of course I must mention that Shirley Manson will be 41 in about 8 weeks, but continues to look increasingly fabulous, (albeit slightly more gaunt than usual) she looks gorgeous though, still fabulously pale (despite living in Los Angeles now) and is it possible for her hair to be any redder? (I must stop now I'm sounding like a drooling idiot - when did you not?) - did I mention she spends a lot of time in her underwear? Oh I did?



"I am not a sexy woman, I'm not beautiful, I'm not a sex kitten, I don't flirt with people, yet I've been tagged more of sex symbol than women who truly are and I that's solely because I don't reveal too much: people are curious." - Shirley Manson (this quote dates back quite a few years, when she was in serious "Rock Chick" mode, I shall let you decide if she still feels that way)

End of Fanboy Alert

"If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried"

Morning - Mr Procrastination here!
Days off gone and what have I done? Moped (that the mood not the two wheeled vehicle), listened to lot's of music, watched a few movies, drank some wine (actually on "paper" that sounds pretty good). I had fully intended to start my now legendary painting to go above my mantelpiece. Eighteen months now and I haven't lifted a brush. My easel (honestly, I have one) still lies folded in the cupboard. I suppose that as long as I don't start the picture has potential, as soon as I put brush to canvas it's a dud! (a load of Pollacks as the joke goes! - ha ha )



“You never know what you have until it’s gone, and I wanted to know what I had, so I got rid of everything.” - Steven Wright

Part III

Damn and bother - now I've consumed a bottle of (admittedly white) wine (never seek solace in alcohol kids, it's not big and it's not clever). Consequentially I now feel awful times two (idiot)- my head hurts (both physically and mentally), and I have a knot in my stomach, that twists, and twists, and twists.

I'll sleep very little tonight, for sure.

Now that my head is swimming, I can look for quotes - Incidentally all by Irishmen :

“A gentleman is one who never hurts anyone's feelings unintentionally.” - Oscar Wilde
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“My words in her mind: cold polished stones sinking through a quagmire” - James Joyce

“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.” - George Bernard Shaw

“Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try Again. Fail again. Fail better.” - Samuel Beckett

“Speak, speak, for underneath the cover there
The sand is running from the upper glass,
And when the last grain's through, I shall be lost.” - William Butler Yeats

part II

I believe this is my 200th post -The way I feel at the moment it may well be my last. The past two hours I've been waiting for an e-mail or a comment or something - phone calls go unanswered - I feel dreadful - how will I sleep tonight?

Town without pity...

I've just had a huge "movie" style mix-up with my good friend Andrea. If you stop by here Andrea - get in touch.

"What was the best thing before sliced bread?"

Days off plus bank holiday makes Billy a bored boy. Well that's not completely true, my daughter was staying with me last night, which always cheers me up. We went to buy a few things at our local Asda "Supercentre". On the way back, there was a sudden explosion (is there any other type?) and for a second we didn't quite grasp what had occurred. However the fact that we and the entire car interior were soaked with ginger beer should tell you that a bottle had exploded. Small mercies I suppose, after all ginger beer has only left a faint stain, imagine what havoc dandelion and burdock could have wreaked!!

We are off out in a minute - but it's pouring (with rain , not ginger beer)



"I would imagine if you could understand Morse Code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy!" - Mitch Hedburg

"I can read minds, but I'm illiterate."

This is one of those "I've nothing to say - just want to prove I'm still alive" posts. Work continues to stress me.
I've never felt quite like this before, there were always lows and highs, but this is relentless low. Does the problem lie with me? is it my age? my mood? or am I just reacting to external forces. Did Martin ever find true love?
Due to the Bank holiday tomorrow, today is my "wine night" so I'm quite numb at the mo'.
Here come the drums.



"I would imagine the inside of a bottle of cleaning fluid is really clean. I would imagine a vodka bottle is really drunk." - Mitch Hedburg

How sweet to be an idiot

I am an idiot!

I love the Rutles

"A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good" - Steven Wright

"Last week I forgot how to ride a bicycle"

Meanwhile, across town...

Without pain, we cannot appreciate the absence of pain. Without noise, silence goes unloved (I should know - since my tinnitus started, I yearn for a bit of silence) - what's my point? well on my days off I was bored, yet the first thing I thought of during my absolutely dreadful shift today was "think of all the things I could be doing if I was off!" So without work, I couldn't appreciate my time off. Makes you feel almost sorry for the Idle rich!

I need a holiday - I don't mean just time off work! I need a change of scenery, It's now four years since I was on a proper holiday, and although I don't think I'll ever get to San Francisco again, I think I could stretch to maybe a city break or summat! The exciting life style of the middle aged nurse eh? Hugh Hefner eat your heart out!!

I am so stressed!

(I love Mike Nesmith's solo stuff - I fondly remembering watching this on Ch4 in the 80's, I even have the "Elephant Parts" show on VHS, and if it's ever released on DVD I'll probably buy that too.)

“When the boss is away, work becomes a holiday.” - Portugese proverb - (Not on my Ward it doesn't!)

Shake Your Groove Thing

My ... broadband .... connection ..... is ....... painfully...........slow!

Really come on Virgin "so called" Media, get your collective fingers out!

Random thoughts -

Feeling strangely groovy, I just listened to the "Priscilla - Queen of the Desert" Soundtrack. Oh how I love that movie - it's hard to believe that Hugo Weaving went on to become Elrond, Agent Smith and "V" (in V for Vendetta - strangely I watched that on Monday, and against expectations I enjoyed it immensely).

Frustratingly and ironically (see last post) I can't contact last.fm, so I may have lost the 100 or so tracks I played today - ho hum.

I just watched "Pillow Talk" (honest I am heterosexual!) and it cheered me no end. What a perfect (though of course entirely fictitious) existence that would be!

All this disco music is making me yearn for my dancing days, I wonder if I still have the moves.....


(time passes - disco music plays)

.... apparently I have - chuckle!

(I prefer this to the original)

"You know how it feels when you're leaning back on a chair, and you lean too far back, and you almost fall over backwards, but then you catch yourself at the last second? I feel like that all the time." - Steven Wright

"The speed of time is one second per second"

Well as George said on Monday - nothing much happened (of course he was being sarcastic).

I didn't even leave the house yesterday, I do hope I'm not developing agoraphobia (don't worry it was simply sloth not a fear of marketplaces!) I did listen to an awful lot of music however. My homepage is my last.fm page, and some of my "neighbours" there listen to ridiculous amounts of songs - teenagers eh? but seriously how can they be listening to 200 tracks a day? (for those who don't know last.fm is like a kind of myspace meets "top of the pops", but without the Bruno Brookes chart rundown thankfully. Tracks I play on my computer/Ipod appear on an ever growing "chart" and people of similar tastes appear as neighbours - it's all quite delightful really, see the link somewhere on this page.) Anyway enough of the commercials.

My Daughter has just finished hers "sats" (another American import!) and this week it's like a weight has been lifted off her. Isn't childhood stressful enough without exams at 7 and 11. It seems that she has to put more effort into learning "stuff" that might appear on the test, than actually learning the abilities of learning and synthesising the information, which is really more important, isn't it?

One of my (many) pet hates, is the erosion of childhood. It's not simply nostalgia, but when I was 11, I was still very much a child and concerned with childish things. There's plenty of time to be grown-up, in fact the booming nostalgia/retro market shows that many of us long to return to those times, albeit only in the mind (eh Sam Tyler?). It's not simply the proliferation of technology, although that may fuel it, but to get back to my original point (if indeed there was one) the Sats are a bad idea - She says that now they are over, they are just "messing about" at school - QED!
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Time for some light relief - 70's nostalgia :

"When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving." - Steven Wright

July 4, 1776 - "Nothing Happened Today."

It wasn't really that hot today, but this didn't deter my Nemeses from donning there shorts, boob tubes and vest, picking up there finest gold jewelery and venturing out into the North East sun displaying rather too much flesh (in both senses!) . It wasn't really that hot. all it takes is hint of sun and the barbecues rise from the ground like Marineville (Stingray) and the trouser legs and sleeves automatically roll up a la Marty McFly.

The sun lifted my mood, Saw my lovely daughter, but the rest was unremarkable, so no remarks will be made - It's that part of the week I love - Wine Time!



(I loved this show! - I have it on DVD! Here's some "kids" having fun with the titles)

"You know how it is when you're walking up the stairs, and you get to the top, and you think
there's one more step?  I'm like that all the time." - Steven Wright

Teenage Wasteland

See a penny - pick it up, all day long you'll have good luck. Recently I put down some of my own change and then picked it up again - nothing yet, but I did find 12 pence the other day.

Another 13 hour shift over.

On the ward round today a patient admitted to sneaking off and having a sneaky"ginseng" pasty (he was nil by mouth you see)It caused him much pain and delayed his discharge , but you'd think the ginseng would have helped !(of course he meant ginsters).

I'm awfully tired, I may have an early night - Keep watching the Skies !

Posted this video on Myspace yesterday - but it's great, and worth seeing again!


"I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose." - Steven Wright

"I have an inferiority complex. But it's not a very good one."

Well, despite my trivialness (is that even a word?) of recent days, today I am back to the old school miserable Billy of old. If I can be serious for a moment (can I?) - this is the worst I've felt for ages (lonely, lonely, bored and lonely - with a smidgen of depression, and the prospect of rain), though I can't see a particular trigger - ho hum. There was a very unpleasant incident at work today, but for confidentiality reasons I can't really say anything. I haven't seen my daughter for days, I've worked earlies all week, I haven't spoken to another adult for days (outside of work obviously - I don't do all my nursing in mime), I suppose I'm just feeling really sorry for myself. (if there's anyone reading this - indulge an old fool for a minute, next time I promise frivolity and flippancy).

In one amusing moment today, we discovered a coat and a box of ferrero rocher left behind days ago by a patient. We don't get many sweets as we are an admissions unit, so we guiltily scoffed the lot. Needless to say an hour or so later, someone came looking for the coat. We sweated collectively for a moment, but we were safe, they didn't know about the sweets. It only needed some comedy music to be perfect.

I've decided what I need is Romance. Now where does one go to find it these days?

“Men always want to be a woman's first love - women like to be a man's last romance.” - Oscar Wilde

"How did a fool and his money get together in the first place?"

When I left work today it was not only with a sense of relief, but I actually felt like I'd done a good job , for once. Oh well.

I've just watched a strange film "Girl on a Motorcycle" With Marianne Faithful and Alain Delon. What a fabulous sixties pairing. The film was little known to me, but I bought it on the strength of it's lurid cover, and groovy heritage. I'd always thought of Marianne Faithful in terms of the croaky voiced grand dame she now presents to the world, but despite the (for the time) explicit subject matter, she comes across as a fresh faced, irresistible ingenue. I shall now add her to my list of groovy sixties chicks!

The film was directed by Jack Cardiff, who is best known as a cinematographer on those fabulous Powell and Pressburger movies, including one of my top 10 - "A Matter of Life and Death". The subject matter here is a little less timeless, but smacks of 1968 so much , it hurts.

These three videos are simply fantastic, If I do say so myself :

Brian Epstein wasn't exactly a natural TV personality was he?


"If life was fair, Elvis would be alive, and all the impersonators would be dead." - Steven Wright

"How do you get off of a non-stop flight?"

I may be the most boring person you'll never meet. Maybe.

Today I was in a reflective mood, work was, well awful, but that for once isn't troubling me. Getting back to my reflection - I was in the typical midlife crisis mode of pondering what if's and what could have beens. Missed opportunities and roads not taken. Maybe I'll go into details one day.

On a much happier note - Happy Happy Birthday to my Myspace friend Andrea, and good luck in your new job - if you like it that is. I know you've got no sound on your computer, but here's a couple of videos for you.

“Midlife crisis is that moment when you realize your children and your clothes are about the same age”

"Is it weird in here, or is it just me?"

Oh I'm feeling very low tonight (Bowie pun not intended!).
Did I tell you how boring my life is? Thought so.

As an added bonus my broadband connection is getting slower day by day - Virgin are supposed to be rolling out a 20mb service, but I'm currently getting about 1!! (and customer support - what a misnomer! automatons incapable of independent thought, if you can even get through)

Anyhow another pointless post, but here's a few "Life on Mars" clips - oh how I miss that show. I think part of it's appeal to 40-somethings is a desire to return to our relatively simply childhoods, for as Blur so correctly stated "Modern Life is rubbish" (of course our kids will be saying the same thing in 30 years)

Anyone except me remember Buck Rogers? This Video, is , I believe the titles from the movie version, which I saw as an exciting 70's double bill with Battlestar Galactica (it doesn't get more 70's than that kids, plus I was probably eating spangles, whilst sitting on a space hopper , and playing with clackers!!!). These titles are so strange - in a kind of hallucinogenic 70s soft porn kinda way, plus that theme song always reminded me of Barry Manilow (I have it on vinyl somewhere - I was such a geek back then - what's changed you might ask?


"I put tape on the mirrors in my house so I don't accidentally walk through into another dimension." - Steven Wright

"open channel D !"

Nothing to say - just wanted to post a couple of videos. I was listening to Swing Out Sister's best of earlier, I'd forgotten how good they are / were (big in Japan - see last video). They had that whole spy movie/lounge/Bachelor pad/Bacharach/cool jazz/ Avengers vibe, and excellent pop songs of course. Plus Corrinne (at least initially) had that fantastic bobbed hair/pale face/eye make-up thing going on that I still find irresistible today (and a fantastic voice).

(That last video is from 2002, I think - love that Emma Peel catsuit )

“I was walking down the street with my friend and he said 'I hear music,' as though there's any other way to take it in. 'You're not special. That's how I receive it too... I tried to taste it, but it did not work.'” - Mitch Hedburg

“If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around”

Monday morning - grey, cold, and wet, and that's just me!
Yesterday at work was absolutely dreadful. Busy, understaffed and under-equipped (someone forgot to order any stores last week - naughty!)

Just got in from shopping, very disappointingly no cheap DVDs were found. Bricks and mortar stores are so damned expensive, I was picking up discs that I knew I could find for nearly half price, on-line, there is something about the immediacy of shops that's more satisfying than the postman (ooo-err!) , nevertheless - I resisted. Town centres at 9am on a Monday morning are so refreshingly devoid of the usual human tidal wave of gold jewelery and leisure wear. It reminds me of Ben Kenobi's famous line "You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy - We must be cautious"

I also had my tri-monthly haircut,and amazingly only a minor disaster this time, I didn't come out crying, or looking quite as medieval as usual!

Groovy!

“Never ask a barber if you need a haircut.” - Cowboy saying (actually applies to a lot of professions!!)

(For nearly 30 years I thought it was funkiest monkey not punkiest monkey! - appears to be from some kind of Japanese Pebble Mill at one ! )

“Death where is thy sting? Love, where is thy glory?”

Death - I've seen a lot of it! I don't want to go into a lot of detail for confidentiality reasons but here it is. We have a patient admitted yesterday with abdominal pain, CT scan shows he has something very bad. The problem is he is very old and has short term memory loss - so you see he will constantly forget his diagnosis, and have to go through the horror of hearing it for the first time again and again - tragic!

I may have mentioned my bout of severe depression a few years ago - I spent several weeks, close to suicide. Once in a daze, I stepped out in front of a car, and was technically knocked over I suppose. I vividly remember thinking "I don't care" - I hope I never go there again!

On a lighter note I just watched Carry on Cleo - Marvellous!
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“On a large enough time line, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero.” - Chuck Palahnuik (author of Fight Club et al)

"Hermits have no peer pressure"

Blimey! Work today was very busy. Quite late in and simply fell asleep in front of the PC again!
I know there are actually one or two people who read this blog, so I thought I should put in a quick appearance or you might never come back!

I am feeling very lonely at the moment, sorry for the downer, but that's the way I feel. Although I enjoy my own company, every now and then you simply want something more! damn my genetically coded desires!

I'm off to bed, hopefully a proper post tomorrow, as it will be fuelled by alcohol!!!

Look out for Bobbie's fabulous moves in the second clip!

“We seek pitifully to convey to others the treasures of our heart, but they have not the power to accept them, and so we go lonely, side by side but not together, unable to know our fellows and unknown by them” - William Somerset Maugham (cheery fella)

"Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories!"

A quick post before bed. Long shift tomorrow, So I probably won't be awake enough to post anything (actually for anyone who's read my earliest posts, my insomnia has only been a minor inconvenience the last couple of weeks - what's going on there eh?).

Nothing to say really.

Actually on second thoughts - isn't it amusing how "bloggers" and "myspacers" seem to constantly worry about appearing cool? (at least in their own terms). "Retro" is often an excuse to look back at things that were cheesy or naff at the time but you secretly enjoyed. Now you can be all post-modern and ironic about your love of say, Thundercats (and I was 20 at the time!). I suppose nostalgia really is an attempt to re-capture the cosiness of a childhood state, or as in my love of the sixties, someone elses. Do you think my counterpart in 1967 was saying to his pals "I'd love to live in 1927!" - actually since that was the year of the general strike and the Jarrow March, probably not.

I love ABBA and I'm not too cool to say it (well at least not in this anonymous blog - coward!)
Here's a nice video with just the girls (of course I always fancied Frida !), and since I was just talking about High NRG another uncool video (surely Gloria was the inspiration for "Disco 2000" by Pulp???)

“It seems like once people grow up, they have no idea what's cool.” - Bill Watterson (Author of the fabulous Calvin and Hobbes strip)

(did you spot the subliminal message hidden in this post !)

"I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done."

Brothers and Sisters, today I want to talk about hair! (no not the hippie musical). Who amongst us hasn't been through a whole range of "do's" in their days? My current "style" is an amorphous blob, an outgrowth of the bad haircut I had about three months ago, which in turn was an outgrowth of the previous bad haircut. A month or so after a haircut I find my hair reaches a key stage, where I actually quite like it, and I know the next chop will ruin it. Do you ever look in the mirror and think "my hair looks quite good", but the very next day it looks like Arthur Scargill in a high wind? Today is definitely a bad hair day, I look like a 70's ad for Falcon Hairspray for men (I feel the compelling urge to don crimpolene flares!). Luckily we live in a truly eclectic age, so me alternating between aging pseudo sixties groovster (or at least an approximation) and Jason King alike, can be equally scoffed / ignored (delete as applicable).

I'm rambling!

(terrible trailer - great film)

It's early, so I haven't had time not to do anything, which I can subsequently fret about not doing, so I'm off to not do that now - bye!

“We live not according to reason, but according to fashion” - Seneca (he said this nearly 2000 years ago - nothing changes - eh?)

“It's hard to dance if you just lost your wallet. Whoa! Where's my wallet? But, hey this song is funky...”

I've just watched "full metal jacket", hence the video (caution bad language!). Why do I mention this? Well the last time I saw it (a looooong time ago kiddies) I found it brutal, cruel and upsetting. This time I enjoyed it, but purely as entertainment. Am I now desensitised to the horrors of war after 20 years of movie viewing, or am I now wise and sage in my old age? - hell knows!

I do hope BBC4 gets around to showing the "Tara King" episodes of The Avengers. I haven't seen them since I was very wee, but Linda Thorson was so pretty,and unlike Diana Rigg - cute, and so sixties "dollybird". She had a brief singing career too (a CD is available which is half Thorson, half Twiggy - doesn't get more sixties than that) Her voice was slightly thin, like Twiggy's, but charming in that bubblegum sixties girl way (I've got a couple of tracks somewhere) - celebrity can carry an average voice a long way however!

Anyway I'm off to buy some DVDs (second hand of course!)

“I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long.” - Mitch Hedburg (and title quote)